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5 Keys to Becoming a Conscious Communicator!

by Nicole's Blog

 

Today I am sharing 5 Keys to Becoming a Conscious Communicator!

I grew up in a household with constant arguing, blaming and a complete lack of personal responsibility. I thought this was “normal” and that most relationships were contaminated with feelings of shame/blame, distrust, reactive communication and unhealthy co-dependency.

I knew this wasn’t for me. I dove into personal development right after college, and started the inner exploration to unpack my trauma to become more authentic and embodied in my own communication.

As a life coach and a healer, I have recognized that communication is an artful skill that needs to be practiced AND is an ongoing evolution!

Relationships are an amazing cauldron for practicing conscious communication – and this is ANY relationship with another human, not just romantic ones – your boss, sibling, parent, etc.

Many relationships fail because we are unable to be completely honest with ourselves or our partners.

Or, we are unable to see that we are operating in our own shadow behaviors like co-dependency, people pleasing or blaming.

Or, we are in our heads weaving all sorts of stories without actually clearing them, so we make assumptions, create expectations and resentments build up.

Often times, we don’t have the skilled words and we project our narratives, and expect changes from others to resolve our own uncomfortable feelings.

What I love to teach women is the path to creating strong relationships through your inner alchemy first.

1 – Managing Reactivity. If you are triggered, take pause and a few breaths. As best you can, move your nervous system out of Fight or Flight. No one can calmly and consciously communicate from reptilian brain.

2 – Drop In. When you are triggered, drop in to your feelings vs going out for resolution. Listen and hear yourself first. In this moment, what emotional need is not being met for you? What are your feelings that are unresolved usually from the past?

3 – Be honest & responsible. Express what you feel to your journal, to a mirror or to your heart before reactively responding.  Resolving your emotions in this way is being self-responsible. If you don’t have that space for you, create inner safety by grounding yourself first in your heart and body, then respond.

4 – Needs & values.  Identify what you desire, need and value. Most of us get reactive, or struggle in relationships because we don’t express what we desire or what we wish to experience. This is why people disengage, shut down, build up resentments, or cheat. * AND NOTE: you can’t get all your needs met by one person, or expect someone to meet it, or even change for you.

5 – Connect from the Higher Self perspective.  Zoom out. What is the purpose of every relationship? Growth, expansion, love, and connection. Relationships are mirrors to learn about ourselves. Triggers are our teachers for healing. Use this as a growth opportunity.  Ask questions to the heart vs the head.  Like, “I hear you. Are you willing to share more?” “Can you help me understand this?” “I’m curious, what’s your perspective is on…?”

Once you understand the inner alchemy process, then you can then practice the outer alchemy with more success. 

When you can self-resource your basic emotional needs (safety, love, appreciation and acceptance), you can drop co-dependency and attract deeper, meaningful, and more soul-filled parterships.

If you want to learn awesome communication skills that includes healing, fun and humor, join me and my partner Ray Doktor for a series of workshops that help create safe, spiritual containers for learning this work.

Sunday, April 24
3:30-6:30pm

Join our heartfelt, playful community to experience a sacred container for emotional intimacy. Singles & couples welcome. Non-heated space.

Our playful workshop includes:
*Authentic Relating Games
*Soul Connecting
*Relationship Integrity
*Creating a Spiritual Partnership Container
*Eliciting Emotional Honesty & Transparency with Ease

Our intentions are for you to have an invigorating experience with more trust and confidence in relating and relationships.

“Treasures await those who have the courage to enter the depths of themselves and their partners.” ~The Magdalen Manuscripts
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Dr. Ray received his doctoral degree in clinical psychology and earned a master’s degree in counseling psychology. For the last 27 years, he’s successfully helped over 6k clients breakthrough limited beliefs to have better, sexier, and sustainable relationships. raydoktor.com

Nicole has over 13 years experience as a Women’s Empowerment Coach, Trauma-Informed Healer, Reiki Master Trainer, Transformational Breathwork Facilitator + Trainer, E-RYT 500 Yoga Teacher Trainer, Medicine Woman and Mama. She empowers women to unleash their passion, power and purpose in the world and thrive!

ADVANCE TICKETS ONLY WILL SELL OUT.
LIMITED CAPACITY:
https://www.ashlandhotyoga.com/workshops-events/
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The Journey is the Destination. Follow Your Passion. Let Your Heart Lead.

by Nicole's Blog

THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION. FOLLOW YOUR PASSION. LET YOUR HEART LEAD.

My friends in SF used to say I was the woman who had nine lives because I would change roles and identities over and over again. I had a thirst for adventure and exploration just like my dad.😀

In fact, I had a spiritual awakening after my dad’s death in March of 2001. In that moment, I gave myself permission to live my life by following my bliss. I am grateful for my dad’s incredible spirit of adventure. He traveled to just about every country in the world. I am grateful for his death too which taught me how I didn’t want to die – filled with sadness and regrets.

I wanted to explore all that life had to offer. I started post- Georgetown University, climbing the ladders of corporate America as an advertising executive and soon thereafter a marketing executive.

I then transformed myself into an actor, being on stage, performing, singing and doing indie films all over SF.

I shifted into event planner for weddings, parties and social events. Then quickly jumped into night club promoting and created 1000-person undergrounds + went to Burning Man and just about every festival I could for 8 years!

I burned myself out from overstimulation, lack of sleep, drugs and alcohol, and ended up in Yoga. I went full steam ahead to become a yoga teacher and eventually became a Yoga Teacher Trainer with 10K hours of teaching.

This led me to energy work, reiki mastership, healing and shamanism. I went deep into alternative healing arts and became a plant medicine facilitator for over 8 years embodying that wisdom too.

I became a Mother! Woo hoo (that one I forever in this life shall be!).

Right now (in this moment), I’m living my purpose as a women’s empowerment coach, intuitive healer, breathwork facilitator and still using all the skills from the last 15 years.

As I write this I think F*CK YEAH what an amazing life I’ve lived. I always followed my bliss. And I have always excelled because I was in my passion.

Trust me, living has not always been FUN – I’ve had my dark-night-of-the-soul moments, but those have always been for my growth and more birthing.

I picked up a book about 10 years ago that said, “Wherever you go there you are.” I knew that the only relationship we truly have is the one with ourselves.

We are all here on this heroic human journey of self-realization to recognize our sovereign divinity as SOURCE CREATOR. We get to CHOOSE every single day how we’d like to LIVE our LIVES. Thank you Sophia for the gift of free-will.

If you live your life with passion, expansion and follow the stream of good feelings, you will always end up growing and evolving.

The JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION and there is no HOW TO MANUAL to get “somewhere”. Life is about LIVIN’ – in LOVE and PASSION. If you do this, you will support your evolution and that supports the whole.

😍😍😍
Are you with me?

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I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

by Nicole's Blog

I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

When I ask women about their relationships, I often hear the phrase “I don’t feel heard.”  This could be in her relationship, with her boss, or even with her child.  

As a women’s coach and healer, I teach that every relationship is a mirror to your own inner work. All the feelings you have about it are generated from within you. 

If a woman is not feeling heard in her partnership, I have her go within. If you don’t feel heard in your relationship, I ask, “Are you hearing yourself?” 

Women will experience this narrative, “I’m not heard” typically in their current partnerships because of their unresolved traumas, emotions and experiences from their childhood.  My specialty is helping women become deeply aware of their subconscious programming so they can transform their stories, reclaim their power and show up from a more conscious place now. 

Here are some examples of why you may feel unheard: 

You had parents who were too busy arguing with each other. 

You may have been a sibling sandwiched between other siblings in a large family. 

You may have had a father who was always at work and unavailable. 

You may have had a mother who was a nervous wreck and wrapped up in herself. 

In all of these situations, your inner child was probably not receiving much attention.  As children we all have basic emotional needs for safety, love, attention, and affection. 

If our parents were unable to provide one of these basic needs, we might create a core narrative, also called a core wound. In this, we develop related emotions, beliefs about ourselves and others, and coping mechanisms that help us to manage our pain. 

If you are not feeling heard, chances are you are not expressing your needs and feelings either. You might be ignoring an inner voice that says, “this doesn’t feel good, but I don’t know how to bring it up. “Or, “I’ll just let this slip because it’s not that important”. 

When you read this, you may recognize what are termed martyr behaviors – not speaking up, taking on others’ pain, and not expressing yourself. These behaviors are shadows because they come from a sense of unworthiness or a feeling of not deserving to be heard, seen or loved. 

If left unresolved, you will perpetuate your pain, and this leads to self-sabotage because you will end up getting what you didn’t want – you will not be heard in your relationship! 

This is a great learning opportunity for the following reasons: 

This teaches you how to re-parent yourself. To turn inward and give the inner child what she so lovingly needs – for you to listen. Re-parenting helps you heal the unresolved pains, feelings and emotions that were trapped around this narrative. 

You open to a new perspective creating freedom from the patterns through self-forgiveness. In this way, you recognize that your parents were doing the best they could. 

You release the martyr shadow behavior and become more self-expressed, authentic and transparent with your needs, and desires because you are not moving from pain, but from power. 

You invite great tools into your life like conscious communication. 

Here is a quick process to learn how to self-resource.  

  1. When you feel unheard, take a pause and a few deep breaths. If you have the space for a brief meditation that’s the best – after all, you want to hear yourself.  Place a hand on your belly and heart. This brings a sense of calm to your body. 
  2. Ask yourself, “what causes me to feel unheard?” Note any images or events from the past that remind you of this. Be curious. 
  3. Now, ask your heart to express what she truly desires – more love, more attention, more acceptance? Now you are listening, and your current needs will be born out of these desires. This form of listening helps you build trust and is self-resourcing. 
  4. In this moment, you may realize that you don’t need anything at all AND there still maybe room for growth in your communication and your partnership.   
  5. Maybe you need more reciprocation from your partner, more reflective listening, clearer reciprocity, softer moments, or them to ask more questions about you. Whatever it is, connect with your partner in the heart and ask for a specific request that can meet your need.
  6. Questions that are connective might be: Would you be willing to…? Can you help me understand…? Can you reflect back what you heard so I feel you hear me? 

And remember this. Your partner might be able to meet your need, and doesn’t “need to” either. If your partner cannot meet your needs, what could you do to get that need met? (That’s another blog!) 

The point is – now you feel heard.

Feel free to leave comments or questions below.  Want to understand how to go deeper, grab a free 15 min chat!   https://calendly.com/unleashthepriestess/15min

 

 

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9 Tools to Free Your Voice

by Nicole's Blog

What does it mean to free your voice?

It means feeling safe and grounded.

Freeing your voice is a deep dive into your childhood wounding to discover where you lost it in the first place.

It is to release the pain of our past ancestors, traumas, suppression and circumstances.

It’s about getting comfortable in your own skin and being honest with yourself.

Freeing your voice is liberating yourself from squelching your emotions and letting the rivers flow.

Freeing your voice is releasing projections, victim nature, martyrdom, blame, shame, guilt, gossip and lower frequencies.

Freeing your voice is a result of reclaiming your power.

It is being in right relationship with your heart and offering compassion to others.

Freeing your voice is to surrender to the Divine and love yourself.

It is having fine-tuned listening skills.

To free your voice is to be vulnerable enough to hear all the feedback and own what you are responsible for.

It is learning to speak your authentic truth.

Freeing your voice is creating healthy boundaries that protect you with a sensibility to uphold them with kindness versus defensiveness.

Freeing your voice is learning to communicate consciously and effectively which is truly is an art.

I’d say, at this moment, I am an artist that’s learning to develop her craft to live a more full heart-centered life.

Here are 9 tools along my path that have aided me in the art of communication and helped me free my voice.

1-  Getting Grounded, Breathing and Relaxing

When you are grounded, breathing and relaxed you heal.  When you heal, you have the space to turn inward and bring mindfulness and heart-centeredness to your communication.  Your tension is released and your voice is more powerful. Try this earthing meditation to get you started.

2 – Core Wound/Inner Child Healing Work

Your core wounds and the inner child within are holding your past.  As you hear her, listen to her, and love her you will regain your power and begin to learn that you are creating your life and everything in it.  That will change where you speak from, how you speak and will liberate you. Learn more about this deep journey work.

3 – Sacred Plant Medicines

The sacred plants speak through the human voice.  The medicinal songs of the plants have great power for healing. I personally have completely cured my vocal chords and received many spiritual surgeries in the mentorship of the plants and reclaimed my voice. I now sing ceremonially and transmit these songs in honor of this great gift. Check out MAPS for more information.

4 – Singing Kirtan/Yoga Chanting

Kirtan is a devotional singing and chanting practice that chants the names of the Divine to raise your vibration to the frequency of pure LOVE. It’s a beautiful practice that is a direct line to Source.  Check out my favorite studio, Bhakti Yoga Shala in Santa Monica.

5 – Creative Writing + Play

Being a beginner in life, in play, and innocence will connect you to the pure creative light within. Discovery and curiosity is where creativity lies. As you heal your sacral chakra and open up these energies it has a direct influence on your voice. After all, have you seen a picture of the Yoni and Vocal Chords? They align with what we create and express. One of my favorite books for accessing the inner creative is The Artist’s Way.

6 – Relationships – Those that trigger you the most!

Relationships are your mirror.  And the ones that trigger you the most will reveal your subconscious patterns, behaviors and past that is remain unhealed. This is a teaching relationship. What is beautiful about these teaching relationships is that they teach you what is important to you, your core values, and how to be a better communicator of healthy boundaries, desires and needs.  Practice the art of conscious communication.

7 – Amazing Coaches

Coaching and mentorship has been profound for me in my own shadow work which is why I now offer this gift to women. To have someone who can point out your deeper work in a safe and loving container catalyzes real change. It is priceless to liberating your voice.  Discover what you can work on now.

8 – Being in Community

When you have the opportunity to meet in sacred, safe space with other like-minded individuals it is so healing!  This is great practice for revealing your personal story and deep inner truths.  Circles provide great insight. It’s helpful to know that you are not alone in what you are going through.  Check out this coaching + healing women’s empowerment group.  And this Women’s Facebook group.

9-  Surrendering to Divine Love

The ultimate goal is surrendering and opening fully to Divine Love. It’s the pure ecstasy that we seek to return to. When we relax, surrender, and let go of our egoic nature that keeps us in suffering there is so much love to receive.

Could you imagine letting go of all the projections and stories and living in your authentic truth, speaking from your heart and revealing your whole being?

Freeing your voice is a lifetime practice of healing, surrender, sharing and loving yourself.

Freeing your voice is the conscious and truthful path of awakening.

Here is are two albums I’d love you to hear – Amrita and God’s Breath of Life – I’ve created these in a time when I was very much freeing my voice!!!

xo,

Nicole

Photos from my workshops at Oregon Eclipse Festival.

 

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My Dark Night of the Soul + How it Birthed Unleash the Priestess!

by Nicole's Blog

Are you done feeling emotions that trigger self-hatred, self-sabotage and other destructive patterns? When will you stop living the life of your past and change this?

I recall one of my dark nights of the soul.

I was working my ass off and doing what I thought were all the right things, but nothing seemed to get into alignment.

It was like I would take a step forward and two steps back.

I was successful in many ways. Getting what I wanted in many ways. Yet, I would make a bunch of money, then lose it all. I would get a great opportunity and something would go awry. I would have expansive breakthroughs through all the healing work I was doing and then everything would fall apart. I’d be wrecked for days. I thought I was in great relationship yet it turned sour. We broke up and my child was now with separated parents.

Things were in chaos.

I couldn’t see the shadows lurking in the dark.

The thing was when things were good, I was good.

Then when things would turn, and I was not so good.

What I realized is that when things were good, I subconsciously couldn’t receive it. When things started to show up or go my way, I would sabotage it. I would butt up against my old stories, lack mentality, money issues, fear, overwhelm, and pain.

My inner child chose not to believe things were good because I still believed I wasn’t worthy of any of it. I felt in some way that I needed to be punished for my past.

I also believed that healers and teachers are bound to never make money! (Ugh). I was out rescuing everyone to prove my worth, until I was so depleted I was labeled with chronic fatigue.

It was time for another consciousness upgrade!

I decided to get coaching and work with more intuitive healers.

I knew it was going to be a financial commitment, a big old fear of mine, which is what kept me from doing it. And, I’m so glad I did.

What I found was that I was stuck in some old patterns of feeling not good enough, and past conditions of abuse, criticism, and judgement. I was giving up so much of my power away subconsciously.

That’s why I couldn’t make money either. I felt I didn’t deserve it.

On top of that I packed on a few big resentments through all that rescuing and I didn’t feel loved or supported. And truly the kicker… I was suppressing my voice and not expressing my feelings out of fear of what others would think!

What I realized was that underneath it all, I was still a pissed off and pained little child that was screaming for self-love, attention and support. I was mad at what I couldn’t create in my life and was not able to see the way through.

I needed to make some real bold changes.

I had to take a stand for myself. I had been helping everyone but myself for too long.

I had to be willing to forgive, to commit to change, to create discipline and accountability. I had to truly love myself and take the time to do so.

What I realize now is that through this whole journey, I was being initiated into my sovereignty as a priestess!

I was being given my blueprint for my coaching programs, “Unleash the Priestess Within + Thrive!”.

I just had to do the last final piece of really deep work!

If you are hitting up against walls, glass ceilings, money problems and not getting your relationships or work in alignment, what do you think is happening?

Is the world against you? NO. NO. NO!

Here’s something you don’t want to hear.

It’s your CHOICE to live there!!!! [Book a Power Priestess Session Now!]

It’s hard to create the abundant life that you imagine for yourself when old patterns and linked behaviors like procrastination, isolation, complacency, judgement, shame, guilt and fear are in the way.

Are you READY + WILLING to take the deep dive + heal?

What if you could up-level your personal + professional life through transformative self-care practices and discipline that work?

What if you could learn how to build your self-confidence and RECLAIM your POWER?

There is another side to your narratives and I know how to help you get there in a loving, compassionate way, with a proven methodology that works.

I have been helping hundreds + thousands of people heal over the last 15 years.

I have clients that have experienced such radical shifts that they CAN NOT EVEN IMAGINE their old lives after just 12 weeks!

They don’t even think the same way.

I’ve witnessed my clients experience radical shifts like leaving their big corporate job to follow their dreams; open new healing businesses; teach more classes when they had no voice; decide to divorce because their in a toxic situation; leave their parents’ home and live on their own; and move across states to be with a new love!

It’s amazing what you can do when you feel empowered, loved and supported.

When you have a cheerleader in life and you become the beginner again.

I didn’t believe I could shift all these things until I did it for myself.

Then I watched the synchronicities flow.

I watched my business thrive.

I created my coaching programs because I am so passionate about healing and helping people see the common pitfalls, roadblocks and dark nights as initiations on the yogic path of self-realization. And with a mentor its so much easier to navigate.

I combined my personal trauma-informed emotional healing work with some kick ass visionary and practical tools from both East and West.

You need to heal your internal environment before the external one comes into alignment.

When you align with your power to find your purpose.

And once you heal and find that purpose, and power is present – YOU FLY!

There is nothing stopping you from living the abundant and amazing life that you imagined for yourself! Truly.

Unleash the Priestess Within + Thrive is a highly customized integrative online coaching and personal healing program that combines the ancient wisdom teachings of yoga, shamanism, reiki, and empowerment coaching for a full body-mind-spirit transformation.

I’ve got a few 1×1 coaching spots opening.

Book a Priestess Power Session Now!

With gratitude,
xo Nicole Doherty

 

“The program with Nicole, helped me to take the phrase “you can do anything you put your mind to” and shift it to not just words, but a deep seeded understanding that I can truly do anything I put my attitude to. The tools you equipped me with by being a reflection of my own power helped me to realize that I had that power all along. When I started the program I was insecure, codependent on a unhealthy relationship, and grieving the loss of my father. Now after having completed the program I feel truly free to use life, my mind, emotions, and body as tools to create the life of my dreams. Instead of being afraid of the dark parts of my past I can use them as tools to understand how I relate to life and not let them define me anymore. “~ Sarah Vale