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How to Serve from Authentic Love vs. Lack – The Shadow Behavior of the Rescuer

Mamas do you ever feel a bit overwhelmed, overextended, or frankly just burnt out? Like, OMG, there are so many moving parts and balls in the air with family, kids, and career?😫

I really resonate with that as a mom and entrepreneur. 😉

For a while I was really struggling juggling both.

When I started a new level of deep shadow work something shifted for me.

I learned that I was a classic Rescuer, also known as the people-pleaser, sometimes called the over-achiever.

I didn’t see this shadow aspect in myself back then, but when it was pointed out by a mentor, I saw how it was playing out in my life as a mother and co-parent.

I would give to the detriment of my own health and well-being. I would bend over backwards for other needs instead of my own. I would please others because I didn’t fully value myself and I didn’t want to disappoint by saying no.

There was a real cost in these unconscious behaviors like exhaustion, enabling others to not show up for me, and sickness.

I was so used to saying yes to everything and doing all of it, so I didn’t often ask for support and if someone did it felt burdensome so I would deny it anyway.

Thank God I learned about this ego behavior and how to transform it to create healthy boundaries and to love myself more.

The last few years I dove really deep so I could teach this to the women in my Unleash the Priestess programs because I see how prevalent this way of being is in our society. Women typically place themselves last.

In working with the Rescuer role, I teach women how to get really good at catching their subconscious habits and watching themselves with objective awareness.

When they practice this with compassion, they experience real changes that benefit themselves and their families.

I teach women how to create a daily sadhana that’s non-negotiable so they can receive the love that is their birthright.

I teach women how to create structure, discipline, accountability, self-responsibility and time management so they can create efficiencies and stretch time.

I teach women how to live a full life that’s more balanced and centered in self-love.

If you would like to learn more about this shadow work, join the conversation with other women doing this deep shadow work to illuminate it and reclaim your feminine power.❤️

Join our Facebook Community, The Priestess Within Sisterhood #unleashthepriestess and check out the 4-part series we just completed on Shadow work with my mentor of these teachings, Deanna Larkins.  She’s the owner of Emerge Hot Yoga Studio in Ashland and of Emerge Spiritual Studies.

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Vulnerability + Bridging the Gap For Self-Love

In this very moment as I write, I’m in a healing process that feels extremely vulnerable.

I wanted to share this because it came up twice today with my clients when we were talking about victim, shame, self-punishment, vulnerability, forgiveness and power. They found it very valuable for them as a way of leaning into their healing process for self-love.

As a yogi, trauma-informed intuitive healer and coach, I have been in the depths of shadow work learning how to create empowered ways to shift my perceptions and awareness in life. I’ve been a seeker in understanding the mind and the heart, and the pathway in between.

Today, I’m taking myself on a transformational shamanic healing journey that I know can move me through this event that just happened that triggered this shame spiral within me.

I share this as an example and small sliver of how I journey with my clients in efforts to illustrate an understanding of what I call “bridging the gap between the subconscious and conscious mind” so that my clients and I can step more fully into our power, present moment awareness and practice the art of vulnerability.

The subconscious mind harbors our core wounds from childhood, or any events in our past that may still be unresolved or need deeper forgiveness.

In one of my first moments of separation, or pain, my little self spun a narrative that became the root belief system I have about myself. This story is a core wound or inner child story, or in some sciences called the ‘victim’ story.

In this example, I was triggered over the weekend into my core wound through the most elevating experience I’ve had in quite sometime, ironically. I was at an incredible wedding for a couple I adore with some of my best friends in this world.

Yet as I got off the plane to go home, I felt the little girl inside of me rise up in a mini tantrum. I say mini thankfully because they used to be HUGE. LOL.

My conscious mind was just over the moon with joy, love and ecstatic dance and play.

My subconscious mind got stuck in my core wound story with my dad. “I’m abandoned. I’m not seen. I’m not important or good enough. No one loves me.” All the happy couples I watched enjoy their time that day triggered this response within me. Emotions came to the surface for healing.

The development of this ego story is an entirely other article, but what’s important now is how powerfully I can track my ego, say hello to this old story, and welcome the little girl and her pain from that originating experience into my arms.

When the originating trauma event occurred for me, I had deep emotions around it.

Today my little girl reflects those and feels vulnerable, tender and sad. She feels unloved and confused. I see the trauma moment in my mind’s eye and the feelings of abandonment and loneliness.

I hear the “I’m not good enough to deserve love” story that rears its head to self-sabotage, punish or perpetuate the story that “no one will marry me, or love me like that.”

What I used to do was shut these feelings down. Like most of us, I would shame and punish myself for having them. I would want to be ‘good’ and ‘positive’ so I would try to stop thinking about it and shove them further down.

Then, I would find myself in isolation; overworking or doing any of the myriads of coping behaviors I’ve strategically created to not feel pain. My addictive behaviors would show up to avoid and distract (eating, watching videos, etc.) and help me forget again.

Let me tell you something.

If emotions that are felt are not met, seen, acknowledged, heard or processed in real time, we hold on to them like a security blanket and develop more generalized belief systems and stories about others, relationships and the world that stem from that pain.

We call these unconscious patterns, which in turn become unconscious behaviors.

The crux of healing from this humble soul who writes this is getting to the core of the emotional root of our traumas so we can learn to forgive, heal and step more fully into understanding, awareness, perception, intimacy, vulnerability and our voice.

If we can speak forward and lean into what needs to be said and find a way to be honest and true, instead of pushing things under the rug out of fear of rejection and weakness, then we learn vulnerability, courage and compassion.

Triggers are always an opportunity to heal, understand, and love.

So today, instead of pushing my little girl to the side, I invited her into my Higher Love, support and voice. I hugged her with tenderness and care. I decided not to overwork and instead journal, emote and let go.

I practiced the art of surrender to the beauty of this Divine plan. I felt her. I adored her. I played and prayed with her. I became present to her needs for attention, care and acceptance. And, I forgave myself for holding on so tightly to this narrative.

I forgave my dad for he knew not what he did back then. To him (and understanding as a parent now) this incident probably would have been so minor; yet, I took it so personally. I practiced understanding and compassion for he knew not the impact of this experience. I sent him deep love.

When we understand the above process and begin to see everyone through the lens of Source, we can shift our perception. It’s important to realize that we are not alone. We all carry core wounds, beliefs and perceptions. We all have pain and suffering. We all deal with these stories and narratives.

When we practice tracking the ego and stories this is what it means to bridge the gap between the subconscious and the conscious mind.

This is how we learn the art of vulnerability. Vulnerability is when we risk stepping into the fire of the unknown, challenge our perceptions, and expose our raw emotions for healing. As Brene Brown tells us in the Call to Courage, vulnerability is courage. They walk hand-in-hand.

Benefits of doing this inner healing work are:
• Practicing ahimsa, or non-violence – not projecting your stuff onto others
• Reducing the time you are affected by the flow of your emotions
• Being responsible for your life, so that you can manifest and create
• Learning to speak and express your needs from a place of power and love vs pain
• Minimizing your downtime away from your passions, purpose and power
• Feeling abundant and in love with yourself and others

I’ll invite you to see what behaviors and belief systems you want to change and reverse engineer your life for healing. This is the transformational process of healing that will help you unleash your power and bring you into presence.

Just as you can heal your past, you can change your future. It’s all a matter of getting present to what is happening now and learning to resource support. It’s an opportunity to trust yourself and create safety through connecting your Highest Self with your Inner Child and bringing yourself back to Innocence, Wholeness and Sacred Union with the Divine.

This is the journey from the head into the heart. This is what creates great strength and compassion. This is the process of awakening to Divine Love.

Many blessings dear one on your healing path!

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#BeAuthentic Election Results

#BeAuthentic is my Mantra for November. I’m actually in shock about Trump. But in all honesty, you gotta hand it to him. His attacks on the governmental system, have uprooted some of the underpinnings of hate, narcissism, racism, greed and avarice that exists still within our society, merely hidden under the mask of democracy. As a KPFK announcer recently said, he appeals to the beast within us. Front and center we are witnessing the true nature of duality in our country completely divided. This is the struggle with light and dark, good and bad and all the shit in between that we are doing as healers. This is the work of awakening the collective consciousness.

As I’ve been leaning into the election and its simultaneous chaos, I’ve been listening to all the corruption, deception, rejection and spinning. As ugly as it is, at least we are illuminating this shadow giving us as light-workers the opportunity to move our attention toward magnifying the light!

This election has taught me to be more upfront with how and what I communicate. I think it is teaching all of us the fine lines between truth/non-disclosure and deception/perception.

We channel our own versions of illusion through social media daily. Not everyone is as happy and put together as it seems. There are many people calling out for help beneath the surface of the fluff.

The more honest I am with myself these days, the more uncomfortable I seem to get. And, I really like feeling uncomfortable now because to me it means I’m creating breakthroughs. I hope this too is how we can view what’s happening with our country. Let’s use this challenge as gift to reveal the deeper truths for all of us.

Whenever I’m confused and in battle with my lower mind, I turn to prayer and my healing practices – yoga, meditation, Reiki, and Shamanism. These help me to understand my own truths. I will sit in debate with the lower frequencies for a while until I feel my heart and the buddhi awareness pierces the veil of illusion.

When you are in battle, go within.
Take a journey to your heart.
Open yourself to more light.
Find the truth.
#beauthentic

And if you want to start a commune in Costa Rica as I posted on Facebook, for real, let’s do it! 😉

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Face Your Shadow: Yoga & Shamanism

I’m re-posting this blog from May 2012…it’s incredible to watch the transformation I’ve undergone since this post 1.5 years ago and the potency of this work. I’d love to write much more about these subjects in the next coming year.

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May 2012

Since living in Peru last year, I’ve submerged myself in the study of Amazonian Shamanism. As a result of the transformation I underwent during my stay in the jungle, I made a sacred vow to dedicate myself to Yoga and Shamanism. Ultimately I vowed to bring forth the wisdom of the Universe expressed through these vehicles. This journey has been extraordinary.

Through this work, we are shown the vast complexity of the human psyche. I call this ‘work’ because it is no simple task to face our shadows and consciously reenact what we have tried to forget. However, stuffing emotions and creating dormancy is no longer an option.

Our fragmentation and separation from Source has caused us pain and suffering. Without a vehicle for release, our suffering imprints our DNA and is re-birthed continuously until its unconscious patterns are identified, made conscious, and alchemized from suffering to forgiveness.

Through the shamanic tools of sacred song, sound and plant medicines, our deeply rooted unconscious patterns are revealed to us quickly. As we continue to peel back the layers, appearing abysmal at times, we ultimately arrive to the doorway of understanding that the Universe beyond the Ego is comprised of Love. Love is the epicenter of the Universe.

For me, April 2012 was impeccable in revealing latent patterns woven in the fabric of my family tree. This month, I have spent disentangling an immense web of ancestral patterns mired in the energy of “the perpetrator”. I am facing the shadows, completing the stories, and breaking the chain of violation that takes on many forms – verbal, emotional and sexual – that my Ego has been so fondly feeding upon.

The byline “I am not ______ enough” accompanies my stories. Yet, it wasn’t until I began this work that its origins were firmly exposed. When you need to cure “dis-ease”, you look to the root of the problem for its solution. Most of us are in a state of disease. We need to radically purge what no longer serves us in order to raise our vibration and that of the planet to ride this incredible wave of accelerated expansive energy home, to the Universal Heart.

The Shamanic path is phenomenal. It is the most incredible magic carpet ride filled with discovery, forgiveness and healing. As I have fully surrendered to the lessons and gifts, I feel as though I have plugged into a Universal Matrix. I no longer sit in the dark fearful and wondering why I am here.

There is no stopping the energetic momentum created once you step into this knowing. I have come to realize the amazing powers of intention, yoga, meditation, visualization, sacred ritual, mantra and music as keys to unlocking our marvelous manifesting abilities. We all have these abilities. Now, is your time to unravel and put your stories to rest.

What will you offer this world in service of the greatest good?

The world is waiting for YOU and YOUR unique gifts!