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Sex, Pleasure, Love – The Divine Feminine

by Nicole's Blog

I’m ecstatic about The Pleasure Path Program that I committed to with Violet Lange. So much resistance and uneasiness came up for me around committing my fiances and what I deserved for myself, hence knowing full well that this was exactly what I needed. Our first week focuses on Self-Love. I am out of practice!

Post-partum is defined as a short time frame after you give birth, but in all honesty from what I’ve seen with most women I know, its about two full years of adjustment time for the body, hormones and integration of the experience. I’m now ready to re-commit to myself and my I am undergoing a deep healing process.

What I am discovering around this process of working on the sexual center, womb space and stepping into my Divine Feminine is that I need to re-connect with the concept of pleasure, surrender, receptivity, desire, softening, gentleness, and kindness – the of the qualities that describe the Divine Feminine.

As a mom, I’ve been moving mostly from my masculine to provide stability, finances, structure and boundaries for Yeshua. These are all good and heralded parts of me, yet I’ve lost the fun, flirtatious, and feminine me.

The wounded and hurt part of me that I am seeking to explore starts in my maternal lineage around love and relationship with the masculine.  The patterns for centuries affects me as a woman and as a mother. I’m committed to breaking some deeply painful patterns that I am discovering. I am transmuting the energy into more understanding, compassion and love. These deeply painful patterns stem from a whole lineage of sexual, physical and verbal abuse as far back in my tree as I can see.

Around sex and pleasure,  I’m diving into old traumas and re-aligning with respect, dignity, and wholeness and creating a powerful flowering that will embrace my new body, strengthen my orgasms and honor my desires for more pleasure, intimacy and love in self-love/care and co-partnership relating.

I’ve been so incredibly emotional. I am crying like a river.  I think much needed to release the grief, sadness and disappointment from past traumas throughout my life and the suffering that many women in my lineage endured. It’s a lot to hold. Some days (my therapist named this for me, thank you)  I feel as if I’m drowning.  Yes, that is how I feel, and yet I know that I will come up for air.

I’m practicing loving kindness toward my self-criticism. Making a forward leap in backing down and seeing the “what is-ness” vs. the labeling of “good/bad” of my thoughts and process (more criticism).

I’m loving the meditation practices, visualizations, coaching and journaling that Violet is offering and her immaculate ability to hold space and coach her clients through hard times.  Thank you!!  When I was feeling extremely low, she offered me a few clearing exercises and I felt so supported in my ability to release.

I can tell this is going to be an epic and revealing journey for me.

These next two weeks are Self-Respect, power and boundaries and the infamous “Jade Egg”, as well as Self-Healing and connecting to our emotional states.

I’m so tantalized by this mysterious egg….stay tuned.;)

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My journey to fully loving myself

by Nicole's Blog

Last month I revealed the depth of my grief, sadness, anger and pain. If you missed my blog, you can read it here.

I was recently told by an INCREDIBLE intuitive/astrologer/next level healer, James Hopson of Inspiring Health, that in my chart this is my biggest year for deep introspective and breakthrough healing work. Everything is pointing to this being a FULL YEAR’s worth of work. It’s like a Dark Night of the Soul time for me, and I have the BRIGHTEST torch, Yeshua, lighting the way.  My God, thank you!

This is all AWESOME on so many levels. I don’t shy away from this work in fact, I know – and what is continually being confirmed for me – is that this is the Heroine’s journey and its a journey of Self-Love. It’s an opportunity to fully dive into the core of my wounds, self-criticism and judgement. With compassion I must learn to hold my darkness with pure love, feel all my pain, and fully embrace and accept it all.  I am being challenged to face all my patterns that I thought were resolved around my childhood that couldn’t have been revealed fully until I became a parent.

I’ve been neglecting myself ever since I had Yeshua too on all levels, redirecting all my focus to him and having little help and time for me. After a few odd health situations as of late, I recognized how depleted and unwell I really am. I asked for help and Spirit delivered me a team of healers to my doorstep!

I’m finding out what my system has beneath the surface that could manifest in 5 – 10 years through the coolest biofeedback technology. In combination, Bill Quateman of Advanced BioCell is helping me to re-balance all my body’s systems, boost my immune system, re-calibrate all my minerals/vitamins and detox heavy metals. I get to re-set my system after my birth.  It’s the most insanely cool stuff!

Aside from that I’m working on sexual & womb healing with the most amazing pleasure coach, Violet Lange.  She’s also a survivor of sexual abuse and helps women to create passionate sex and intimate connection for incredible love! I’m doing this work to more fully embody my feminine, heal my womb post-partum, and have a deep felt sense of my Divine Feminine essence.

I am ready to let go of the remnants of shame, pain, self-hatred and judgement that maybe still lingering in the corners of my being that limit me in many areas of my life from finances to relationships. I am playing the role of the wounded healer in this moment to challenge myself to be vulnerable and open about all of it, as ugly as it may be.  I know that being open to this will be for the Greater Good and this will be the Surrender that I need to find that path to wholeness and sovereignty.

I plan to be softer.  I want to yield to my pain and emotions. I want to explore my dark side and learn to really love it and digest it. A lot of this work is actually ancestral cleanup. I know I’m doing the work for my parents and theirs. And I’m ready for that too and open to receive its lessons.

Come with me on my journey if it’s time for you to air your dirty laundry. Or, if it hurts to hold on to secrets, lies and illusions. It’s time for authenticity, truth, and accountability. It’s time for real love – to fully LOVE who you truly are – and love all your perceived flaws and limits.

I saw a great transformational speaker today, Barbara DeAngelis, and her talk was about stepping into the Temple of Love.  Her closing questions were these:

How can I bring more Love to _(insert any situation or person)?

How can I serve  _(this situation or person)_with more love?

So for now my insert will be me, Nicole.

And we’ll go from there.

P.S.You can watch my recent videos about my path HERE

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Revealing My Pain, Grief & Anger

by Nicole's Blog

I had a revelation today!

Throughout our lives we have a series of revelations that bring us more in alignment with our Soul. Over the course of the last 24 hours, I realized a few things through witnessing others’ magnetic love, participating in deep sacred healing ceremonies, crystal bathing under the Leo full moon, crying in meditation, taking walks in the perfection of Nature, playing with my delicious baby, and listening to empowering teachers/mentors. I’ve realized all these activities are practices that guide me toward my Soul’s evolution and in totality are massaging my life to become more in step with God.

What I’m in the process of revealing is the depth of my grief, sadness, anger and pain. At some level my human experience is telling me I’m trapped, and my story is that I don’t have the ability, knowledge, creativity or the intellect to expand beyond the ceiling that is above me and the boundaries I’ve created around myself. I feel like I’m going through a spiritual washing machine that’s set on ‘heavy load’.

What I’ve realized is that my deepest process of self-discovery over the last 6 years, plus becoming a parent, has led me here – to the deeply wounded inner child. And the patterns of my lineage and my past keeps replaying like a broken record.

I’ve been working on my father stuff for the last 6 years, but I hadn’t scratched the surface of the mother or the challenges of her lineage of the ‘war on the masculine’. And I thank God for the messenger of Donald Trump to show us the raging war that has been waged and how it resides within the individual and manifests in the collective.

Michael Beckwidth’s theme this month for Agape is, “My Context is My Perception”.  I’ve been working with my amazing intuitive healer, James Stellar who always is teaching me how to be a “beginner in life” and to not “declare war” because then we live in it!

What I’ve realized is that I’m in a raging war within my own being, that struggles to find peace amongst her past traumas and that I’ve not fully reconciled the parts of me that feel doubt, guilt, shame, aggravation, unloved and or not good enough.

I know that nobody can make me feel this way, yet I continually blame and shame the people around me that trigger these emotions within me and justify it at every turn. I build up a case that propels the ugly story and now I’m living within it.

I find myself at a new plateau.

I listened today to the phrase, “My Context is my Perception”, and something clicked.  It’s something that I teach all the time in my yoga classes. I also teach how to flip the negative thoughts into positive ones through some concepts of the Yoga Sutras. I think I’ve been so busy helping others, I have left my little child behind.

I offered an incredible life coaching workshop to the 300-Hour YogaWorks Teacher Trainees last week and as I read and taught and saw so many “a-ha” moments, I recognized I hadn’t taken my own medicine or my own programs in some time. As a mom, I’ve completely let myself go!  Thankfully, it sent me home to do some of my own inner work.

Being a parent is a self-less act and also leaves little time for Self. Yet, that’s not the only paradigm. That’s a perception too.

So today, I need to not leap ahead of myself.  I need to stop and smell the roses like I do when I’m on a walk with my child. I need to slow down and have patience. I need to allow myself to be in the cocoon of motherhood which brings us so many valuable lessons.  I need to not speed ahead to catch up in some imaginary race toward a measured success that is outlined by who exactly?

James Stellar offered in his newsletter to go on a “Complaining Fast” and to detox the negativity and the limits that we place on ourselves.  Michael Beckwith offers to “create a context in which God is always working through you”.

Use me, God.  I am tired of my negative thoughts running amuck in my head, and I’ve created sickness and fragility in my body. I want to see the “expanding awareness and link up to the Eternal broadcast“, as Michael says.

I’m no longer taking any stance that I’m a victim of my circumstances. I’m really ready to give up that story.

As Michael says, “inspiration is a thought from God as is kindness and generosity.”

I am ready to step it up to the next level,  to feel at One with God. To be in love with myself and all my “perceived” flaws.

I’ve been storing the pain of others for a long time and adding it to my own. And when I feel all these emotions I understand now that they are the substrata of the previously held perceptions that I’ve not released.  I need to clear these old emotions so that I don’t have such strong reactions against anyone or anything.

It’s time for all of us to take ownership and responsibility for ourselves and to understand that no one makes you feel any way.  They offer an experience or an event and then you have the responsibility to respond. If you respond with kindness, the outcome can be positive. If you respond with negativity, you will likely get the same. I taught this last week in my workshop!;)

As Michael Beckwith says, “we can’t place emotional pain on others. Anxiousness is here because of my perception. Fear is here because of my perception.” He also said, “Blaming those emotions on others is not a solution to your problems  – it emanates from a perception of yourself.”

Affirmations:

Today, I choose to wake up to the best of my ability and how I will serve.

Today, I choose to not live in the lower frequencies of my mind.

Today, I will re-commit to my spiritual practices that keep me grounded in this knowing.

“Today I am not a victim, but a victor!” (Michael Beckwith)

Today, I release these negative emotions and rise up beyond them.

Today, I fill my body with the Voice and Love of God.

Today, I fill my body with the Voice and Love of God.

Today, I fill my body with the Voice and Love of God.

Amen, So Be It, A’ho!

Blessings!

I can’t wait to share this work with you…

 

 

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Shamanism & Sacred Reciprocity

by Nicole's Blog

As my Shamanic Teacher, Alan Waugh would say, “Welcome. We are the ones we have been waiting for.”

We have arrived at the precipice of The Old Paradigms’ Destruction and this is the opportunity for the Dawning of the Great New Earth. My Shamanic studies seem to be of paramount importance at this time.  We must renew our sacred relationship with the Earth or perish as a species.  Our generation and those below us are the Wisdom Keepers and Light Workers brought to Earth to save her and all living species.

As Alan’s great world-renowned Shamanic wisdom teacher, don Oscar Miro-Quesada states in his book, Lessons in Courage, “To harness the spiritual power of creation, as did our ancestral peoples, we need to return to a deep understanding of how sacred relationship works. “Feed the earth first and then you will have the strength to go out on the healing path, ” don Benito taught me. The more loving the energy that we can generate as we attend to these earth-honoring ceremonies, the quicker the transmutation of our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies occurs…By doing earth-healing rites and ceremonies, we re-establish a conscious, awakened sacred relationship with the Earth. This encourages all the conscious beings who inhabit our beloved Pachamama to feel more comfortable revealing to themselves to nurture and support us. This is the nature of ayni (sacred reciprocity).

The Earth is our GREAT MOTHER, loving us daily unconditionally – offering us food, water, air and a place to live and grow our souls.  She’s our playground for evolution and yet we treat her like a dumping ground.   We must now walk our talk of loving relationship and take action.

We must learn the ways of the indigenous cultures to REMEMBER what it is to establish a loving intentional connection with our first mother and to live in the ways of the sacred.

How to get in connection with the Earth ways:
1) buying the book “Lessons in Courage”
2) signing up for a retreat with don Oscar Miro-Quesada
3) coming on retreat with Alan and myself to Mt. Shasta in July (yoga/shamanism)
4) attending Shamanism-inspired workshops (we lead some see below about February and there are many around LA)

These are ways to learn rituals and medicines of the indigenous and to deeply work on your inner healing which will change the world around you.

This February, Alan is coming to LA to offer a Shamanic Reiki Training for all that are Advanced Reiki (Reiki III).  This is a great introduction to the Divine offerings of Shamanism in combination with Reiki, a Shamanic Japanese healing modality.

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#BeAuthentic Election Results

by Nicole's Blog

#BeAuthentic is my Mantra for November. I’m actually in shock about Trump. But in all honesty, you gotta hand it to him. His attacks on the governmental system, have uprooted some of the underpinnings of hate, narcissism, racism, greed and avarice that exists still within our society, merely hidden under the mask of democracy. As a KPFK announcer recently said, he appeals to the beast within us. Front and center we are witnessing the true nature of duality in our country completely divided. This is the struggle with light and dark, good and bad and all the shit in between that we are doing as healers. This is the work of awakening the collective consciousness.

As I’ve been leaning into the election and its simultaneous chaos, I’ve been listening to all the corruption, deception, rejection and spinning. As ugly as it is, at least we are illuminating this shadow giving us as light-workers the opportunity to move our attention toward magnifying the light!

This election has taught me to be more upfront with how and what I communicate. I think it is teaching all of us the fine lines between truth/non-disclosure and deception/perception.

We channel our own versions of illusion through social media daily. Not everyone is as happy and put together as it seems. There are many people calling out for help beneath the surface of the fluff.

The more honest I am with myself these days, the more uncomfortable I seem to get. And, I really like feeling uncomfortable now because to me it means I’m creating breakthroughs. I hope this too is how we can view what’s happening with our country. Let’s use this challenge as gift to reveal the deeper truths for all of us.

Whenever I’m confused and in battle with my lower mind, I turn to prayer and my healing practices – yoga, meditation, Reiki, and Shamanism. These help me to understand my own truths. I will sit in debate with the lower frequencies for a while until I feel my heart and the buddhi awareness pierces the veil of illusion.

When you are in battle, go within.
Take a journey to your heart.
Open yourself to more light.
Find the truth.
#beauthentic

And if you want to start a commune in Costa Rica as I posted on Facebook, for real, let’s do it! 😉