I’m ecstatic about The Pleasure Path Program that I committed to with Violet Lange. So much resistance and uneasiness came up for me around committing my fiances and what I deserved for myself, hence knowing full well that this was exactly what I needed. Our first week focuses on Self-Love. I am out of practice!
Post-partum is defined as a short time frame after you give birth, but in all honesty from what I’ve seen with most women I know, its about two full years of adjustment time for the body, hormones and integration of the experience. I’m now ready to re-commit to myself and my I am undergoing a deep healing process.
What I am discovering around this process of working on the sexual center, womb space and stepping into my Divine Feminine is that I need to re-connect with the concept of pleasure, surrender, receptivity, desire, softening, gentleness, and kindness – the of the qualities that describe the Divine Feminine.
As a mom, I’ve been moving mostly from my masculine to provide stability, finances, structure and boundaries for Yeshua. These are all good and heralded parts of me, yet I’ve lost the fun, flirtatious, and feminine me.
The wounded and hurt part of me that I am seeking to explore starts in my maternal lineage around love and relationship with the masculine. The patterns for centuries affects me as a woman and as a mother. I’m committed to breaking some deeply painful patterns that I am discovering. I am transmuting the energy into more understanding, compassion and love. These deeply painful patterns stem from a whole lineage of sexual, physical and verbal abuse as far back in my tree as I can see.
Around sex and pleasure, I’m diving into old traumas and re-aligning with respect, dignity, and wholeness and creating a powerful flowering that will embrace my new body, strengthen my orgasms and honor my desires for more pleasure, intimacy and love in self-love/care and co-partnership relating.
I’ve been so incredibly emotional. I am crying like a river. I think much needed to release the grief, sadness and disappointment from past traumas throughout my life and the suffering that many women in my lineage endured. It’s a lot to hold. Some days (my therapist named this for me, thank you) I feel as if I’m drowning. Yes, that is how I feel, and yet I know that I will come up for air.
I’m practicing loving kindness toward my self-criticism. Making a forward leap in backing down and seeing the “what is-ness” vs. the labeling of “good/bad” of my thoughts and process (more criticism).
I’m loving the meditation practices, visualizations, coaching and journaling that Violet is offering and her immaculate ability to hold space and coach her clients through hard times. Thank you!! When I was feeling extremely low, she offered me a few clearing exercises and I felt so supported in my ability to release.
I can tell this is going to be an epic and revealing journey for me.
These next two weeks are Self-Respect, power and boundaries and the infamous “Jade Egg”, as well as Self-Healing and connecting to our emotional states.
I’m so tantalized by this mysterious egg….stay tuned.;)