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Building a Strong Foundation: The Power of Open Communication in Relationships

When it comes to committed relationships, making agreements is crucial. However, not all agreements are created equal. Some may seem like an escape, leaving our partners feeling unworthy of a deeper commitment. But why settle for a limited agreement when we can aim for something greater?

 

Recently, a relationship coach colleague shared an agreement that some couples make: “I agree to tell you if there is someone else I am interested in romantically.” While this agreement may seem like a step in the right direction, it is not enough to create a truly secure and committed relationship.

 

In fact, this agreement can be seen as an escape, suggesting that the partner is not worth making a more significant commitment to. A limited agreement like this can make it challenging for emotionally available people to feel truly secure in the relationship. Emotional availability and security are essential for building strong connections and a stable relationship foundation.

 

Many people struggle with emotional unavailability, which makes it difficult for them to fully commit to a relationship. Avoidance, or what I call “having a back door” or “a backup plan,” is rooted in fear of rejection, fear of being alone, and fear of vulnerability. Your partner can feel this lack of commitment energetically, even if they can’t express it. It can create a sense of unease in the relationship that undermines its stability.

 

Emotional well-being is crucial to create a secure and genuine connection. We need to take responsibility for our emotional health to build stronger relationships. By doing the inner work necessary to become emotionally available and secure, we can show up more fully for our partners.

 

When my colleague asked me, “what commitment or agreement can couples make to feel truly committed”. My response was simple: “Commit to open and honest communication. Have a commitment to talk about anything that arises in real-time that causes separation and can help partners be vulnerable, share their thoughts and feelings.” 

 

This approach limits feelings of disharmony within and encourages both partners to address any challenges that arise in the relationship promptly and constructively. Over time, this kind of communication builds trust and security in the relationship.

 

In the end, making commitments and agreements in a committed relationship is essential. We need to take personal responsibility for our emotional health and commit to open and honest connective communication to build genuine relationships that stand the test of time. 

 

xo,

Nicole

 

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5 Keys to Becoming a Conscious Communicator!

 

Today I am sharing 5 Keys to Becoming a Conscious Communicator!

I grew up in a household with constant arguing, blaming and a complete lack of personal responsibility. I thought this was “normal” and that most relationships were contaminated with feelings of shame/blame, distrust, reactive communication and unhealthy co-dependency.

I knew this wasn’t for me. I dove into personal development right after college, and started the inner exploration to unpack my trauma to become more authentic and embodied in my own communication.

As a life coach and a healer, I have recognized that communication is an artful skill that needs to be practiced AND is an ongoing evolution!

Relationships are an amazing cauldron for practicing conscious communication – and this is ANY relationship with another human, not just romantic ones – your boss, sibling, parent, etc.

Many relationships fail because we are unable to be completely honest with ourselves or our partners.

Or, we are unable to see that we are operating in our own shadow behaviors like co-dependency, people pleasing or blaming.

Or, we are in our heads weaving all sorts of stories without actually clearing them, so we make assumptions, create expectations and resentments build up.

Often times, we don’t have the skilled words and we project our narratives, and expect changes from others to resolve our own uncomfortable feelings.

What I love to teach women is the path to creating strong relationships through your inner alchemy first.

1 – Managing Reactivity. If you are triggered, take pause and a few breaths. As best you can, move your nervous system out of Fight or Flight. No one can calmly and consciously communicate from reptilian brain.

2 – Drop In. When you are triggered, drop in to your feelings vs going out for resolution. Listen and hear yourself first. In this moment, what emotional need is not being met for you? What are your feelings that are unresolved usually from the past?

3 – Be honest & responsible. Express what you feel to your journal, to a mirror or to your heart before reactively responding.  Resolving your emotions in this way is being self-responsible. If you don’t have that space for you, create inner safety by grounding yourself first in your heart and body, then respond.

4 – Needs & values.  Identify what you desire, need and value. Most of us get reactive, or struggle in relationships because we don’t express what we desire or what we wish to experience. This is why people disengage, shut down, build up resentments, or cheat. * AND NOTE: you can’t get all your needs met by one person, or expect someone to meet it, or even change for you.

5 – Connect from the Higher Self perspective.  Zoom out. What is the purpose of every relationship? Growth, expansion, love, and connection. Relationships are mirrors to learn about ourselves. Triggers are our teachers for healing. Use this as a growth opportunity.  Ask questions to the heart vs the head.  Like, “I hear you. Are you willing to share more?” “Can you help me understand this?” “I’m curious, what’s your perspective is on…?”

Once you understand the inner alchemy process, then you can then practice the outer alchemy with more success. 

When you can self-resource your basic emotional needs (safety, love, appreciation and acceptance), you can drop co-dependency and attract deeper, meaningful, and more soul-filled parterships.

If you want to learn awesome communication skills that includes healing, fun and humor, join me and my partner Ray Doktor for a series of workshops that help create safe, spiritual containers for learning this work.

Sunday, April 24
3:30-6:30pm

Join our heartfelt, playful community to experience a sacred container for emotional intimacy. Singles & couples welcome. Non-heated space.

Our playful workshop includes:
*Authentic Relating Games
*Soul Connecting
*Relationship Integrity
*Creating a Spiritual Partnership Container
*Eliciting Emotional Honesty & Transparency with Ease

Our intentions are for you to have an invigorating experience with more trust and confidence in relating and relationships.

“Treasures await those who have the courage to enter the depths of themselves and their partners.” ~The Magdalen Manuscripts
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Dr. Ray received his doctoral degree in clinical psychology and earned a master’s degree in counseling psychology. For the last 27 years, he’s successfully helped over 6k clients breakthrough limited beliefs to have better, sexier, and sustainable relationships. raydoktor.com

Nicole has over 13 years experience as a Women’s Empowerment Coach, Trauma-Informed Healer, Reiki Master Trainer, Transformational Breathwork Facilitator + Trainer, E-RYT 500 Yoga Teacher Trainer, Medicine Woman and Mama. She empowers women to unleash their passion, power and purpose in the world and thrive!

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