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3 Signs Your Slipping Into Fear

We all have fear. I’m not talking about fear of death. We have that in order to ensure our survival –  to do our good work here on this Earth.

I’m talking about our daily living.   I coach many women around this topic because it’s hard to recognize the signs that you are slipping into fear-based living. Fear is a slippery energy. 

Do you know if you lean in with trust and surrender, or do you lean in with fear? 

Here are 3 Signs you could be slipping into fear-based living:

1 – CONTROL

If you like to control your environment and your relationships you may want to look at why you are doing that. If you are operating from a place of fear, you may want to control your surroundings to feel safe or to project that others need to be. Being in control offers more predictability to your mind, and less variability and vulnerability. This could be perceived as strength and efficiency, yet is it really? This leads me to the second topic.

2- TRUST

I have found that when you don’t trust others, you slip into more control. You may not trust because of past fears of being hurt or let down, so its easier for you to control your environment.  I know for me, when someone breaks my trust, its hard to forgive and hard to imagine that person will ever be trustworthy. Yet it is my job to forgive and open the doorway to trust once again. In the meantime, that may look like being in more control and not allowing others to have another shot.

Trust also means trusting yourself and your own decisions as well. If in the past you made decisions that didn’t work out, you may internally judge yourself and not trust you can make a better decision next time or that the outcome could be different. This is living in a limited perception. This doesn’t allow you to fail, or grow, or find a new opportunity. It’s staying in the past fear.

3 – PRESENCE

If you are suffering you are not living in the present. Fear doesn’t live in the present moment.

Here is a great quote one of my clients forwarded to me that I love from Eckhart Tolle:

“All negativity is caused by the accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress and worry – all forms of fear – are cause by too much future and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

Now that you see some examples of how it may show up, can you lean into observing your desires to be in control or remain in the past?

A little bit of fear is healthy, don’t get me wrong.  This will help to not always repeat our past. We can use our fear to help us to create and uphold strong healthy boundaries and it also teaches us discernment.

The best way to move the dial into more trust and vulnerability is to continually ask yourself, “Am I acting from a place of love or from a place of fear?”.

P.S. If you need any support with conquering fears in your life, please feel free to reach out for support.  Here’s what Margaret had to say after she went through the “Unleash the Priestess Within” 12-week program to work on her fear/control.

My biggest takeaway in this program with you is that I can make choices out of strength versus operating in fear. I realized through this program and the healing work that I was unable to name and acknowledge what wasn’t working in a few areas of my life.  I was not linking my current inactions with the fear and old belief systems that stemmed from my childhood. For me the healing work,  journaling, mantras and guided visualizations like the womb healing and chord cutting helped me to release stuck emotions, shift my awareness and move me beyond these realizations to take actions based on courage and awareness. I describe this as actionable therapy. This has been a very healing journey for me that will continue to create more changes in my life. Thank you! ~Margaret

 

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

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Shame = Fear Before Action

“Those of us who get bogged down by fear before action are usually being sabotaged by an older enemy, shameShame is a controlling device. Shaming someone is an attempt to prevent the person from behaving in a way that embarrasses us.” Julia Cameron, The Artists Way.

I love this quote. As a trauma-informed emotional healer, coach and student and teacher of shame, this is a tender topic and so worth diving into!

To add to the above definition, as I understand it, shame is ultimately fear of rejection by the tribe.

Last week prior to this full moon, I was feeling my clients’  deeply moving through shame energy as they were processing lineage core wounding narratives in their first two chakras.  Being so empathic I often feel what my clients are going through and subsequently, I use this as an opportunity to take action and do a deeper medicine dive into my own body-mind system.

I realized I was feeling blocked creatively and could do more inner work around using my own shame story as fuel to expose myself, my story and be more vulnerable as inspiration for healing others.  To me this ends up amplifying my own courage, power and grace.

The more we expose the icky feelings beneath the surface the more healing occurs.  The more we release shame in our sacral chakra, the more in touch we are with our Divine Feminine essence, intuition and creative life force energy.  In turn, this translates to opening all the chakras and particularly the throat chakra so we can speak our authentic truth.

How does shame show up?

Shame can show up in a variety of ways as I have seen it with my clients  – body image, sexual abuse or misdirected energy, and societal controls as Julia mentions above.

Body Image

Brene Brown tells us that body image is the biggest shame that women feel.  As you know, you have been conditioned to believe that everyone woman needs to be the perfect 10.  Add, the filters, Photoshop, enhancements, etc and you’ve got a standard that makes you feel imperfect and embarrassed for being different and creates the ‘less-than’ or lack mentality. This feeds your core wound story around not feeling heard, loved, or seen.

Sexual Trauma

This comes in all forms.  Any time you feel you are in the minoritylesbian, transgender, bi, poly, etc. there is probably a narrative underneath that needs healing so you can come into full power in whatever form you wish to be.  Also, there is sexual abuse – any time you gave up your power, or your power was taken away you carry shame.  On top of this, there are distortions like when you were disrespected, taunted or teased regarding your gender.

Societal Controls

Julia reminds us in her book the familiar stories we heard. I know I did.  The “how dare you?” angry adult response to things that my innocent child did.  I have caught myself blurting this out loud to my own child unconsciously, thankfully only once when I was tired, impatient and frustrated. Oh that tricky unconscious (Shame on you, lol!).

The thing is – we are at fault, wronged and shamed all the time.

As Julia says above, ‘shaming someone is an attempt to prevent the person from behaving in a way that embarrasses us.”

I remember feeling this shame energy coming from peers and from myself when my son started biting as a means of communicating his big feelings when he turned 1.5/2 years old.  I was told over and over again that it was OK that it would pass, but soon became isolated as people did not understand, and I was not included in group activities.

I also felt shame around my failed relationship.  That shame was my own version of sabotage and victim fed by my core wounding story of abandonment. I then had a fear of rejection come up around the ‘normal ways’ of parenting, or the ways that many of my peers were seemingly doing it the ‘right’ way.

I additionally felt shame around my new body, which didn’t look like my ‘pre-birth’ body. My yoni felt disfigured and my extra stomach skin and pooch made me feel embarrassed.

There was a lot to process the last few years.

Feeling Rejection

The fact is, none of us want to feel rejection.

The fear of rejection is one of the biggest fears that is tribally wired in your brain. If you were rejected from the tribe as hunter-gather then the odds were this was your death sentence.  So you learned to co-habitat and create rules that fit what was best for the majority, whether or not that was good for you as an individual or not.

Within this structure you shut down the bright creative energy that resides within you.

If you were ever made to feel ashamed for being curious and out-of-bounds, then chances are you are afraid to step out of the box.

The problem is: YOUR CREATIVE ENERGY IS WHO YOU ARE.  IT’S YOUR BRILLIANCE. YOUR LIGHT TO SHINE!

Remember the quote from Marianne Williamson,

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I love this quote because it reminds us that its the power within us that is what frightens us because we have been controlled through fear and shame for so long.

In our current paradigm, the light is different.  The light is out of the “norm”.  We need to re-structure ourselves and society.

This also reminds me of my favorite acronym for FEARFalse Ego Appearing Real.

Our Ego is our wounded child’s creation, our illusion of separation.  It’s what creates this very real experience that we are having which shouts,  “I am different, alone, disconnected and rejected.” As I write and speak all this forward, it feels so good to connect and expose it.

I offer all our human moments to the fire. 

You are human and learning how to make your way back home. You are rising from the lower chakras of fear, separation, disrespect, shame, and guilt and finding your way into your power and your heart through exposing yourself. You are calling in vulnerability.

I offer the judger, inner critic, shamer and wounded child in you a deep embrace.

Instead of pushing her aside bring your little girl toward you. When your little child is feeling emotionally out of control help her to feel safe and secure so she can process her big emotions and feel healing.

Forgive. Surrender. Let go.

When you release your shame you walk into freedom to be who you are meant to be. You are here to live in your power and purpose without fear. When you are free you can take creative action as it moves through you.

I have loads of tools that I’ve gathered through experience working with thousands of people in deep medicinal healing environments for well over 10 years. If its time for you to take this deep dive into shame and creative blocks, reach out. I’m happy to help navigate these tricky waters to freedom.

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3 Simple Steps to Liberate Your Womb!

It is time to liberate your womb, enhance your intuition, and reclaim your feminine power!

You are rising into your feminine womb sense, to heal yourself and the planet. This is for the children and future generations.

So many of my clients are dancing with this multi-layered congestion and subsequent desire to purge their dysfunctional parental relationships, sexual shame, abuse, guilt and complete disassociation to their womb space and sacral chakra.

There is so much lineage and patriarchal subconscious programming that’s in need of healing!

You may have fear opening to this deep dive, yet its absolutely imperative to create harmony in the world and so liberating for your body, mind and soul.

Women aren’t you done operating in your masculine? You are driving your body to depletion in a way that feels overwhelming, fearful and completely off balance.

It’s not what your body-mind-system naturally needs or desires as a woman.

Believe me I get this. I’m a doer too.

I was a corporate ladder climber who turned into a two-business, single mom entrepreneur!

I have been challenged in this area, which is why I teach disciplines and practices to my clients and in my classes to keep myself accountable to my healing and connected to my feminine essence.

The feminine energy is sweetness, movement, flow, emotions and connection with the Earth. It’s how we connect to our desire, feelings, ease, pleasure and delight.

We need to cultivate our feminine to allow the masculine enegery to meet us in the Divine Union of the Yin/Yang at the heart.

When our energies are balanced we feel energized, creative, flexible and willing to step into the unknown trusting that change is powerful, not fearful.

This is the natural energy of Mama Gaia, who is abundant and prosperous.

If you are having difficulty desiring, connecting with your womb, feeling creatively blocked or having money/prosperity issues, chances are you are in need of cleansing, clearing and opening up more space for your womb wisdom and feminine energy.

It’s through clearing your second chakra that you will overcome and release the lower frequencies like shame, guilt, sexual distortion that’s in the way of you reclaiming your feminine power.

3 Simple Steps To Liberate Your Womb:

  1.  Slow down. Get Softer. Be more tender with yourself. Listen.  The feminine energy is Yin, relaxing and receiving.  Most women I coach are not in their bodies, they are working too much and they are not really taking care of themselves.  Often this is because they are running from themselves and their versions of not feeling valued, loved or enough.  It may feel scary to slow down, but the only way to heal is to listen and practice patience. To be in in your feminine is to be receptive. You can still be doing things in the world. In fact, when you are taking better care of yourself, you will be a stronger, more grounded force in the world.
  2. Meditate with womb wisdom guided meditations like this one. Place your hands in an inverted triangle shape right below the navel pointing downward.  This is the feminine energy and is healing for the uterus and ovaries and also represents the energy current of manifestation.  From your heart to your hands send yourself loving, kind energy and open up our imagination to the endless possibilities that reside within this space.
  3. Sensual movement mirror gazing, vocalizing and touch. Start by dancing for yourself in front of the mirror. While you are dancing speak what you are doing out loud, move by move. Say out loud what your body is doing, how it feels and reconnect the physical body and its sensations with your emotional body. As an example, “my hip is swaying to the left and it feels tingly and it makes me feel happy.”  As you are vocalizing you are re-connecting sound and thought currents to your physical experience.  You can also add nurturing touch to engage your pleasure, desire and remembrance that the loving relationship you seek is with you.

These are very simple starters.

It goes so much deeper than this ladies, especially if you need to clear toxic energies.  That’s another post I’ll need to write.;)

If you wish to discuss how to clear energy, create rituals or bring more positivity and joy into your womb set up a time to chat.

Blessings,

Nicole

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My journey to fully loving myself

Last month I revealed the depth of my grief, sadness, anger and pain. If you missed my blog, you can read it here.

I was recently told by an INCREDIBLE intuitive/astrologer/next level healer, James Hopson of Inspiring Health, that in my chart this is my biggest year for deep introspective and breakthrough healing work. Everything is pointing to this being a FULL YEAR’s worth of work. It’s like a Dark Night of the Soul time for me, and I have the BRIGHTEST torch, Yeshua, lighting the way.  My God, thank you!

This is all AWESOME on so many levels. I don’t shy away from this work in fact, I know – and what is continually being confirmed for me – is that this is the Heroine’s journey and its a journey of Self-Love. It’s an opportunity to fully dive into the core of my wounds, self-criticism and judgement. With compassion I must learn to hold my darkness with pure love, feel all my pain, and fully embrace and accept it all.  I am being challenged to face all my patterns that I thought were resolved around my childhood that couldn’t have been revealed fully until I became a parent.

I’ve been neglecting myself ever since I had Yeshua too on all levels, redirecting all my focus to him and having little help and time for me. After a few odd health situations as of late, I recognized how depleted and unwell I really am. I asked for help and Spirit delivered me a team of healers to my doorstep!

I’m finding out what my system has beneath the surface that could manifest in 5 – 10 years through the coolest biofeedback technology. In combination, Bill Quateman of Advanced BioCell is helping me to re-balance all my body’s systems, boost my immune system, re-calibrate all my minerals/vitamins and detox heavy metals. I get to re-set my system after my birth.  It’s the most insanely cool stuff!

Aside from that I’m working on sexual & womb healing with the most amazing pleasure coach, Violet Lange.  She’s also a survivor of sexual abuse and helps women to create passionate sex and intimate connection for incredible love! I’m doing this work to more fully embody my feminine, heal my womb post-partum, and have a deep felt sense of my Divine Feminine essence.

I am ready to let go of the remnants of shame, pain, self-hatred and judgement that maybe still lingering in the corners of my being that limit me in many areas of my life from finances to relationships. I am playing the role of the wounded healer in this moment to challenge myself to be vulnerable and open about all of it, as ugly as it may be.  I know that being open to this will be for the Greater Good and this will be the Surrender that I need to find that path to wholeness and sovereignty.

I plan to be softer.  I want to yield to my pain and emotions. I want to explore my dark side and learn to really love it and digest it. A lot of this work is actually ancestral cleanup. I know I’m doing the work for my parents and theirs. And I’m ready for that too and open to receive its lessons.

Come with me on my journey if it’s time for you to air your dirty laundry. Or, if it hurts to hold on to secrets, lies and illusions. It’s time for authenticity, truth, and accountability. It’s time for real love – to fully LOVE who you truly are – and love all your perceived flaws and limits.

I saw a great transformational speaker today, Barbara DeAngelis, and her talk was about stepping into the Temple of Love.  Her closing questions were these:

How can I bring more Love to _(insert any situation or person)?

How can I serve  _(this situation or person)_with more love?

So for now my insert will be me, Nicole.

And we’ll go from there.

P.S.You can watch my recent videos about my path HERE

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6 Coaching Tips to Create Happiness

I can say from direct experience in my own life and from working with so many life coaching clients, that these are the biggest obstacles to our happiness:

1) Being Overworked
2) Stress/Anxiety
3) Perceived Pressures (abstract & mind created – not enough time, family expectations, societal pressure, etc.)

These experiences become obstacles to our happiness because they create:

1) Fear
2) Life Imbalances
2) Lack of Fulfillment
3) Health Issues – Physical/Fatigue/Insomnia
4) Dysfunctional Relationships

Here are 6 tips that I have found to be helpful in transmuting these obstacles and thus create real change in our lives:

1) Increased Self-Care/12:12 Rule

Ensure you are engaging at least a few times a week in some sort of practice that is just for you that helps you to release pressure, stress, and anxiety. For example: yoga, meditation, running, eating well, and sleeping more and better.  If you can’t figure out how to get to find the time for this enlist an accountability partner – a friend, coach, mentor or trainer.  Someone who does this well.

There is a rule called the 12:12 Rule.  12 Hours of Input = 12 Hours of Output.  If we have 24 hours in a day, allow yourself to be fed and nourished in 12 of them, thus your output is productive and impassioned.  For input, sleep is part of the 12 hours and the other 4 are for self-care/fun/passion. For output, you have 12 hours of energy expenditure to the human experience as service.  If you do your inner work than those 12 hours of output are servicing by doing something you really enjoy (to the effect that it almost seems like 12 more hours of input, catch my drift?) Learn what you are passionate about!

2) Prioritization

Speaking of passion. We have lost our sense of priorities and what is important to us.

What’s important to you these days?  I have clients write their eulogies. What do you want to be known for in your life? At the end of the day what is most important? Are you fulfilling your dreams? Are you wasting time in fear and all the perceived pressures of life and expectations? Are you living your life?

Each week set aside priorities that move you toward fulfilling your goals and your soul’s purpose.

3) Organization & Understanding Time Suckers

With most my life coaching clients, I help them create structure. We create schedules of their week so that they can take back their time and empower themselves to be more in control of their lives vs their distractions like “time suckers”.  Time suckers are things we perceive to be important, but in actuality they may not be like Instagram & Facebook. I’m not saying these aren’t powerful marketing/promotional and social tools, but we all know that one post can lead to several hours of time lost. When we create schedules, we can allot how much time goes into our priorities first and then see where we are losing time or becoming inefficient.

4) Taking Back Control & Time

There are three work scenarios that I hear time and time again from people who overwork.

1) I stay late at work because I feel like I have to (regardless of whether there is work for me).  If I stay longer the perception is I work harder.
2) I have work to do, but I get distracted at work by conversations, food, and time suckers. I don’t get my work done. I must stay late.
3) There is just too much work and not enough man power.

We need to learn to empower ourselves to be productive, work efficiently, speak up and create healthy boundaries so that we are doing the work we get paid for.  This is healthy for you and best for your employer.   The fact is, we need to be more in control of our time and perceived perceptions of pressure and stress.  All of these scenarios are changeable if you are willing to accept responsibility.  And when we take back our power, many things in our lives shift.

5) Understanding Your Value & Self Worth

Many clients that I work with have an inherent self-worth issue. This is an epidemic in our society.  We are caught in the program loop of “lack” and “not enough”.  We have been spoon fed this idea that we don’t have the power to create what we desire in our lives.

Human beings were gifted with the Spark of the Divine (the Creator) thus we have the ability to Create! We need to understand that it is our birth right to summon this energy and use this to create what our Soul desires and to express our passions, gifts and talents.

6) Understanding your Gifts, Passions and Soul’s Desire

Based on the previous, if we can let go of these ideas of lack and not enough, we can jump the hurdle of fears and limited perceptions that keep us small.  We need to do the inner work to understand what are heart and soul is desiring based on what our passions, gifts and talents are.  Without this knowledge we get caught up in the mind’s perceptions that may not reflect the True Self.

Honoring the True Self is the Key to Being Happy!

I hope you find these tips helpful. As a mentor coach, there are so many tools in our tool box that can catalyze real change. We act as your accountability partner to keep you on track and empower you to shift your perceptions and overcome your shadows and blind spots. Ultimately, its about creating the understanding that the power to create anything is within you and you hold the key to your happiness.