False Identities, Deeper Truths & Power

If you’ve been reading about my journey (connect with my past few blogs), I’m in a space of incredibly deep self-healing. For years I’ve been doing lineage work to discover more about myself and how I operate in relatedness to my experiences growing up, but now I’m in recognition that the final stage of this is to turn fully toward and lean into myself as the true creator of my whole human experience.  This is the Path of Feminine Power.

I’m in two coaching courses that are powerfully co-stepping me into this work:  Violet Lange’s The Pleasure Path and The Feminine Power 7 Week Essential Course For the Awakening Woman by Dr. Claire Zammit from Evolving Wisdom.

Any time I wish to blame, victimize or see the downturns in my life as outside of me, I need to take ownership, accountability and responsibility for the stories I’ve been running that are creating the energy that attract the same patterns out of familiarity and evidence to support them.

As I have been re-connecting with the concept of pleasure, surrender, receptivity, desire, softening, gentleness, and loving kindnessthe Divine Feminine – I’m healing the hurt parts of me and stepping into my power and seeing what scripts I’ve been playing that are running as a result of the pain I’ve been storing.

My false identities are: I am not good enough, not safe, unworthy and invisible.

In this story, I find that I avoid people socially and avoid deep connections. I forgo my ability to receive love, support and intimacy. This makes me feel isolated, unaccepted and unloved. I’m seeing how little I self-love and how judgemental and critical I am toward myself.

In the Feminine Power course we talk about DEEPER TRUTHS beneath the stories.

The Deeper Truth is that I have a huge well of love that I’m yearning to share and it feels so big that I’m actually frightened of unleashing it!!!  I long for deep intimate relationships and to build loving, supportive community. I’m valuable and my needs matter. I am beautiful, protected, and accepted.

My POWER STATEMENT (this is mutable and will change through the course, but feels ripe in the moment) is:

I am loved and lovable. I have an immense well of love that I am here to offer humanity.  I am accepted, beautiful, wise and enough. My desires and needs are top priority. I am intuitive and as such I can create and source safety for myself. I am open to receiving what life has to offer in love, support, guidance and abundance. I build deep intimate relationships and loving, supportive community. I am valuable and my needs matter. I am presencing myself and impacting people’s lives.

Ahhh, that feels so good to say, write and FEEL.

I am learning to get in touch with my wide range of emotions as a woman (embodying the vastness of the ocean as my mantra) and to not hide them. I  learned today from Violet that I can welcome my variety of thoughts in this way as well. I have been in a very masculine energy battle in my mind between my ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ perceptions. We concluded that the feminine way would be to embrace the negative thoughts as well as the positive ones as the vastness of the ocean. And, viewing the criticisms or judgements through the lens of the little me protecting and sheltering myself from pain. Now the bigger me can thank that part of myself in its final gasps and merge into my higher potential.

I feel so much more in tune with myself than I ever have. I’m just so excited to share this path with my clients! My healings have been so dynamic, juicy and powerful as a result of all this work.

Stay tuned for the next few weeks are sure to be explosive!!!


Sex, Pleasure, Love – The Divine Feminine

I’m ecstatic about The Pleasure Path Program that I committed to with Violet Lange. So much resistance and uneasiness came up for me around committing my fiances and what I deserved for myself, hence knowing full well that this was exactly what I needed. Our first week focuses on Self-Love. I am out of practice!

Post-partum is defined as a short time frame after you give birth, but in all honesty from what I’ve seen with most women I know, its about two full years of adjustment time for the body, hormones and integration of the experience. I’m now ready to re-commit to myself and my I am undergoing a deep healing process.

What I am discovering around this process of working on the sexual center, womb space and stepping into my Divine Feminine is that I need to re-connect with the concept of pleasure, surrender, receptivity, desire, softening, gentleness, and kindness – the of the qualities that describe the Divine Feminine.

As a mom, I’ve been moving mostly from my masculine to provide stability, finances, structure and boundaries for Yeshua. These are all good and heralded parts of me, yet I’ve lost the fun, flirtatious, and feminine me.

The wounded and hurt part of me that I am seeking to explore starts in my maternal lineage around love and relationship with the masculine.  The patterns for centuries affects me as a woman and as a mother. I’m committed to breaking some deeply painful patterns that I am discovering. I am transmuting the energy into more understanding, compassion and love. These deeply painful patterns stem from a whole lineage of sexual, physical and verbal abuse as far back in my tree as I can see.

Around sex and pleasure,  I’m diving into old traumas and re-aligning with respect, dignity, and wholeness and creating a powerful flowering that will embrace my new body, strengthen my orgasms and honor my desires for more pleasure, intimacy and love in self-love/care and co-partnership relating.

I’ve been so incredibly emotional. I am crying like a river.  I think much needed to release the grief, sadness and disappointment from past traumas throughout my life and the suffering that many women in my lineage endured. It’s a lot to hold. Some days (my therapist named this for me, thank you)  I feel as if I’m drowning.  Yes, that is how I feel, and yet I know that I will come up for air.

I’m practicing loving kindness toward my self-criticism. Making a forward leap in backing down and seeing the “what is-ness” vs. the labeling of “good/bad” of my thoughts and process (more criticism).

I’m loving the meditation practices, visualizations, coaching and journaling that Violet is offering and her immaculate ability to hold space and coach her clients through hard times.  Thank you!!  When I was feeling extremely low, she offered me a few clearing exercises and I felt so supported in my ability to release.

I can tell this is going to be an epic and revealing journey for me.

These next two weeks are Self-Respect, power and boundaries and the infamous “Jade Egg”, as well as Self-Healing and connecting to our emotional states.

I’m so tantalized by this mysterious egg….stay tuned.;)