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Building a Strong Foundation: The Power of Open Communication in Relationships

by Nicole's Blog

When it comes to committed relationships, making agreements is crucial. However, not all agreements are created equal. Some may seem like an escape, leaving our partners feeling unworthy of a deeper commitment. But why settle for a limited agreement when we can aim for something greater?

 

Recently, a relationship coach colleague shared an agreement that some couples make: “I agree to tell you if there is someone else I am interested in romantically.” While this agreement may seem like a step in the right direction, it is not enough to create a truly secure and committed relationship.

 

In fact, this agreement can be seen as an escape, suggesting that the partner is not worth making a more significant commitment to. A limited agreement like this can make it challenging for emotionally available people to feel truly secure in the relationship. Emotional availability and security are essential for building strong connections and a stable relationship foundation.

 

Many people struggle with emotional unavailability, which makes it difficult for them to fully commit to a relationship. Avoidance, or what I call “having a back door” or “a backup plan,” is rooted in fear of rejection, fear of being alone, and fear of vulnerability. Your partner can feel this lack of commitment energetically, even if they can’t express it. It can create a sense of unease in the relationship that undermines its stability.

 

Emotional well-being is crucial to create a secure and genuine connection. We need to take responsibility for our emotional health to build stronger relationships. By doing the inner work necessary to become emotionally available and secure, we can show up more fully for our partners.

 

When my colleague asked me, “what commitment or agreement can couples make to feel truly committed”. My response was simple: “Commit to open and honest communication. Have a commitment to talk about anything that arises in real-time that causes separation and can help partners be vulnerable, share their thoughts and feelings.” 

 

This approach limits feelings of disharmony within and encourages both partners to address any challenges that arise in the relationship promptly and constructively. Over time, this kind of communication builds trust and security in the relationship.

 

In the end, making commitments and agreements in a committed relationship is essential. We need to take personal responsibility for our emotional health and commit to open and honest connective communication to build genuine relationships that stand the test of time. 

 

xo,

Nicole

 

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I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

by Nicole's Blog

I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

When I ask women about their relationships, I often hear the phrase “I don’t feel heard.”  This could be in her relationship, with her boss, or even with her child.  

As a women’s coach and healer, I teach that every relationship is a mirror to your own inner work. All the feelings you have about it are generated from within you. 

If a woman is not feeling heard in her partnership, I have her go within. If you don’t feel heard in your relationship, I ask, “Are you hearing yourself?” 

Women will experience this narrative, “I’m not heard” typically in their current partnerships because of their unresolved traumas, emotions and experiences from their childhood.  My specialty is helping women become deeply aware of their subconscious programming so they can transform their stories, reclaim their power and show up from a more conscious place now. 

Here are some examples of why you may feel unheard: 

You had parents who were too busy arguing with each other. 

You may have been a sibling sandwiched between other siblings in a large family. 

You may have had a father who was always at work and unavailable. 

You may have had a mother who was a nervous wreck and wrapped up in herself. 

In all of these situations, your inner child was probably not receiving much attention.  As children we all have basic emotional needs for safety, love, attention, and affection. 

If our parents were unable to provide one of these basic needs, we might create a core narrative, also called a core wound. In this, we develop related emotions, beliefs about ourselves and others, and coping mechanisms that help us to manage our pain. 

If you are not feeling heard, chances are you are not expressing your needs and feelings either. You might be ignoring an inner voice that says, “this doesn’t feel good, but I don’t know how to bring it up. “Or, “I’ll just let this slip because it’s not that important”. 

When you read this, you may recognize what are termed martyr behaviors – not speaking up, taking on others’ pain, and not expressing yourself. These behaviors are shadows because they come from a sense of unworthiness or a feeling of not deserving to be heard, seen or loved. 

If left unresolved, you will perpetuate your pain, and this leads to self-sabotage because you will end up getting what you didn’t want – you will not be heard in your relationship! 

This is a great learning opportunity for the following reasons: 

This teaches you how to re-parent yourself. To turn inward and give the inner child what she so lovingly needs – for you to listen. Re-parenting helps you heal the unresolved pains, feelings and emotions that were trapped around this narrative. 

You open to a new perspective creating freedom from the patterns through self-forgiveness. In this way, you recognize that your parents were doing the best they could. 

You release the martyr shadow behavior and become more self-expressed, authentic and transparent with your needs, and desires because you are not moving from pain, but from power. 

You invite great tools into your life like conscious communication. 

Here is a quick process to learn how to self-resource.  

  1. When you feel unheard, take a pause and a few deep breaths. If you have the space for a brief meditation that’s the best – after all, you want to hear yourself.  Place a hand on your belly and heart. This brings a sense of calm to your body. 
  2. Ask yourself, “what causes me to feel unheard?” Note any images or events from the past that remind you of this. Be curious. 
  3. Now, ask your heart to express what she truly desires – more love, more attention, more acceptance? Now you are listening, and your current needs will be born out of these desires. This form of listening helps you build trust and is self-resourcing. 
  4. In this moment, you may realize that you don’t need anything at all AND there still maybe room for growth in your communication and your partnership.   
  5. Maybe you need more reciprocation from your partner, more reflective listening, clearer reciprocity, softer moments, or them to ask more questions about you. Whatever it is, connect with your partner in the heart and ask for a specific request that can meet your need.
  6. Questions that are connective might be: Would you be willing to…? Can you help me understand…? Can you reflect back what you heard so I feel you hear me? 

And remember this. Your partner might be able to meet your need, and doesn’t “need to” either. If your partner cannot meet your needs, what could you do to get that need met? (That’s another blog!) 

The point is – now you feel heard.

Feel free to leave comments or questions below.  Want to understand how to go deeper, grab a free 15 min chat!   https://calendly.com/unleashthepriestess/15min

 

 

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Letting go of “I’m not good enough.”

by Nicole's Blog

“I am not good enough.”

“I am not important.”

“I do not matter.”

These are common limiting beliefs I hear as a women’s empowerment coach and intuitive healer.

I believed these stories at certain points in my life too.

Most of my clients suffer from similar forms of self-loathing or sabotage which is why they reach out for personal and professional transformation.

Do you want to change your belief systems and shine your light? 

Do you want to reclaim your power?

In healing and energy work, these narratives are related to a root chakra deficiency. You may feel unsafe, in fear and mistrusting of life which can create a sense of overwhelm, dismantle your power and skew your belief system away from YOUR RIGHT TO BE HERE.

In Western psychology and coaching this relates to inner child healing work and core wounding.  I also like to call this our ego’s victim nature.

In my version of East meets West coaching + energy healing, I will work with you on the ego/victim nature,  core wounds and emotional pains you suffered as a child.

As a team, we dive deep into your lineage to understand your modeling, emotional intelligence, belief systems and narratives that have led you to create these self-defeating patterns running in your subconscious mind.  According to research, about 95% of your thinking is old programming in the subconscious.

Your programming is creating discord, obstacles and resistance with the spiritual part of you that knows what it WANTS,  WHAT IT IS and WHAT IT DESERVES.

The way to overcome this resistance is to turn the conscious mind toward the subconscious and create a rainbow healing bridge. We can use tools like meditation, energy work, emotional clearing, emotional intelligence, healing, shadow work, affirmations, forgiveness, gratitude, and new disciplines.  This takes devotional intention, spiritual commitment and work!

Do you want to create the loving, joy-filled, abundant life that you imagine for yourself?

When is it the right time work on this resistance?

You might experience resistance in a variety of ways.  As an example, you may feel like you take a step forward and then you take two steps backward.  Or you may have big wins and then big contractions but nothing feels steady.  You may feel instability in your money or client streams. It might feel like you have huge ideas, but can’t execute them.

If you were to ask me when I was in the prime of my story of “I’m not good enough” what was happening in my life, I blamed or criticized anyone or anything for my problems. I was holding onto big resentments. I was in fear, pain and separation. Rarely could I own that I was creating these experiences in my life. I was living in my shadow. I didn’t see that my external experiences were a mirror for my own thinking patterns.

It’s important to look at our shadow and heal with support.

As a coach, I play a powerful neutral role as your reflective mirror to show you how you are operating subconsciously and to empower you to create change.

What if you could learn ways to deprogram these unhealthy patterns of your lineage, change your thoughts and manage them better?

According to the Upanishads, the ancient Yogic texts, we could change our destiny if we change our thoughts, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.”

If you would like to learn how to change your thoughts and belief systems, maybe it’s time to ask for support?

If you don’t, nothing changes.

What could you do if you truly believed in yourself?

What could you do if you were willing to let go of the stories of the past?

What if you felt like you were good enough or you did matter, what would you create and voice?

I’m happy to help empower your thinking through a FREE Priestess Power session. I promise it will be one of the most revealing calls you’ve ever experienced. Click Here

P.S. Join my free, private Facebook group #UnleashthePriestess to connect with other women who are empowering each other to evolve and thrive by sharing their deep healing processes!

Infinite blessings on the path to awaken to the Divinity in all,

Nicole
“Our power to manifest is equal to our power to generate our own evolution.”- Claire Zammit