I am a recovered workaholic.
I used to go-go-go. It would take a lot for me each day to not work all morning, day and night.
I would stack appointments with no breaks, not eat, barely drink water and end my day depleted and unable to sleep. Making time for myself was unheard of.
I did everything in my power to serve and please those around me and then I’d get caught up resenting all the things I was doing. I couldn’t get out of this loop.
As a coach, I have so many women clients that fall into this category. I hear it every day.
One of the gifts of my program, Unleash the Priestess Within + Thrive, is to turn an eye toward what is keeping you from self-care and love.
Most of what you do is unconscious.
You are programmed as a child from your parents, teachers and society. You were taught to compete, climb ladders, and please others in efforts to get more of what you wanted.
Most women like you, have a wish to provide because you grew up in the era of women moving into the workforce and being able to have more rights and opportunities. This is wonderful, yet, what you learned was that you had to do everything you were told to “make it” and often that was at the expense of your own well being.
On top of being a career women, you may also still hold the role of the head of family household, kids, etc. So you have two jobs!
Where is your “YOU” time?
It’s time to question your motivation as a workaholic.
You probably have another unhealthy addiction called the “Rescuer” syndrome.
This is the part of you that needs to fix, save or overstep your responsibility because you can do it best. It keeps you in control of managing expectations. It feels safe.
Yet, in most cases, this is based on your childhood wounding story that says you are not good enough, worthy or important (or any other variation of not feeling heard, needed or loved.)
This is what is the motivating force behind your workaholic behavior.
Like any addiction its a habit that keeps you blind to your pain.
Unfortunately, you can no longer hide. The gig is up!
One of my core wounds from childhood was feeling unheard, unseen and disregarded. My parents were classic workaholics filled with pain. In fact, most of my memories of them they were talking about work, constantly fighting and I didn’t feel seen at all. I was forced to study things I wasn’t interested in. I was living the life they wanted because it suited them. I felt like I wasn’t taken seriously.
As I got older, I fell into the same coping strategies that my parents did. I was so unhappy, depleted and unsure of what I was doing in Corporate America.
It was not at all aligned with my passions or purpose.
Then, my dad died. It took this huge weight off my shoulders to be honest. Although I love him and miss him every day, I finally was able to give myself permission to do what I wanted to do!
I went on my journey of self-realization. 😉
When my son was born, even though I’m a single mom, I was determined to find a way to be able to be present for Yeshua.
I created a salary for myself that supports my son, my lifestyle and leaves me afternoons to play with him daily – all available to me because I MADE MYSELF FIRST PRIORITY.
As a Yogi, Healer, Coach and Recovered Workaholic I know that when I am happy, everyone around me benefits.
I know that as I heal and do the inner work to love myself, I create healthier discipline, self-care and boundaries.
Here are my 5 Steps to Recovery:
1 – Stay true to a spiritual practice. My practice keeps me present, grounded and calm. I meditate and do yoga every day.
As a single mom this means getting up at 5:30am in the morning and just doing it. No excuses. It’s my connection to Source that keeps me sane, on my path, receiving downloads, channeling new ideas, giving gratitude and practicing my inner healing work.
2 – Move your Energy + Eat Well. Every day do something to move your body and your energy and feed it with good life force energy (living foods). We get very stuck in our energy bodies. This type of congestion lowers your vibration and keeps feeling stuck, undernourished and dead on the inside. Move your energy and feed it good fuel to heal, feel more relaxed and get back into balance.
3 – Get Outside. Be in Nature. When you are in Nature you are reminded that life is bigger than you and your problems. You start to realize that there is more to life. There is a grander Divine plan. I get outside every day at least once to take in fresh air and reset my nervous system.
4 – Time management. I’m really disciplined with my time. I schedule everything and I give leeway to let things move around as Source is co-creating with me! I know where my day is going with intention and I take major actions every day. During Yeshua’s time I plan nothing all afternoon so I can in play and be present with him.
5- Prioritize. I utilize my time based on my priorities. I know what are THE MOST important few things to handle each day. I leave the rest to my ‘future’ list. I do have catch up days every so often, and will sometimes get babysitters to do handle them.
6 – Be Responsible + Manage Expectations . This is about being in integrity with myself and others. I am in the practice of not committing to things that I am not feeling responsible for. This is part of not rescuing. I can be generous, but if I feel like I am starting to resent, I know I’ve taken on too much. I am only responsible for what I know I can manage. As best I can, I also let others know when they can expect results or actions from me. When people are communicated with in a healthy way, its healthier for everyone.
7 – Email/Social Media. This one is the hardest, but I have recently re-adapted Tim Ferris’ 4 Hour workweek idea. I only check email 3 times per day. We lose so much time wasting it on endless checking and re-checking between social media and email. Check 3 times a day, that’s it. The world does not fall apart and you don’t get stuck down the rabbit hole.
I recently had a client adopt the mantra: I am more powerful than my phone. She gave up social media after she returned home from work at 8pm. Not only did she have time to talk to her kids, but she finally went to bed with her husband each night! A huge leap in her intimacy and personal relationships. She also slept way better and was more productive at work.
You can recover.
It may feel counter-intuitive to give up things in efforts to be more productive, but research shows that productivity increases when we take care of ourselves.
Living a balanced lifestyle is totally achievable.
Having a self-care and self-love practice is imperative to your well-being and is appreciated by your body-mind and everyone around you.
Reach out if you need help recovering!
Blessings,
xo Nicole