Vulnerability + Bridging the Gap For Self-Love • Nicole Doherty Ananda

In this very moment as I write, I’m in a healing process that feels extremely vulnerable.

I wanted to share this because it came up twice today with my clients when we were talking about victim, shame, self-punishment, vulnerability, forgiveness and power. They found it very valuable for them as a way of leaning into their healing process for self-love.

As a yogi, trauma-informed intuitive healer and coach, I have been in the depths of shadow work learning how to create empowered ways to shift my perceptions and awareness in life. I’ve been a seeker in understanding the mind and the heart, and the pathway in between.

Today, I’m taking myself on a transformational shamanic healing journey that I know can move me through this event that just happened that triggered this shame spiral within me.

I share this as an example and small sliver of how I journey with my clients in efforts to illustrate an understanding of what I call “bridging the gap between the subconscious and conscious mind” so that my clients and I can step more fully into our power, present moment awareness and practice the art of vulnerability.

The subconscious mind harbors our core wounds from childhood, or any events in our past that may still be unresolved or need deeper forgiveness.

In one of my first moments of separation, or pain, my little self spun a narrative that became the root belief system I have about myself. This story is a core wound or inner child story, or in some sciences called the ‘victim’ story.

In this example, I was triggered over the weekend into my core wound through the most elevating experience I’ve had in quite sometime, ironically. I was at an incredible wedding for a couple I adore with some of my best friends in this world.

Yet as I got off the plane to go home, I felt the little girl inside of me rise up in a mini tantrum. I say mini thankfully because they used to be HUGE. LOL.

My conscious mind was just over the moon with joy, love and ecstatic dance and play.

My subconscious mind got stuck in my core wound story with my dad. “I’m abandoned. I’m not seen. I’m not important or good enough. No one loves me.” All the happy couples I watched enjoy their time that day triggered this response within me. Emotions came to the surface for healing.

The development of this ego story is an entirely other article, but what’s important now is how powerfully I can track my ego, say hello to this old story, and welcome the little girl and her pain from that originating experience into my arms.

When the originating trauma event occurred for me, I had deep emotions around it.

Today my little girl reflects those and feels vulnerable, tender and sad. She feels unloved and confused. I see the trauma moment in my mind’s eye and the feelings of abandonment and loneliness.

I hear the “I’m not good enough to deserve love” story that rears its head to self-sabotage, punish or perpetuate the story that “no one will marry me, or love me like that.”

What I used to do was shut these feelings down. Like most of us, I would shame and punish myself for having them. I would want to be ‘good’ and ‘positive’ so I would try to stop thinking about it and shove them further down.

Then, I would find myself in isolation; overworking or doing any of the myriads of coping behaviors I’ve strategically created to not feel pain. My addictive behaviors would show up to avoid and distract (eating, watching videos, etc.) and help me forget again.

Let me tell you something.

If emotions that are felt are not met, seen, acknowledged, heard or processed in real time, we hold on to them like a security blanket and develop more generalized belief systems and stories about others, relationships and the world that stem from that pain.

We call these unconscious patterns, which in turn become unconscious behaviors.

The crux of healing from this humble soul who writes this is getting to the core of the emotional root of our traumas so we can learn to forgive, heal and step more fully into understanding, awareness, perception, intimacy, vulnerability and our voice.

If we can speak forward and lean into what needs to be said and find a way to be honest and true, instead of pushing things under the rug out of fear of rejection and weakness, then we learn vulnerability, courage and compassion.

Triggers are always an opportunity to heal, understand, and love.

So today, instead of pushing my little girl to the side, I invited her into my Higher Love, support and voice. I hugged her with tenderness and care. I decided not to overwork and instead journal, emote and let go.

I practiced the art of surrender to the beauty of this Divine plan. I felt her. I adored her. I played and prayed with her. I became present to her needs for attention, care and acceptance. And, I forgave myself for holding on so tightly to this narrative.

I forgave my dad for he knew not what he did back then. To him (and understanding as a parent now) this incident probably would have been so minor; yet, I took it so personally. I practiced understanding and compassion for he knew not the impact of this experience. I sent him deep love.

When we understand the above process and begin to see everyone through the lens of Source, we can shift our perception. It’s important to realize that we are not alone. We all carry core wounds, beliefs and perceptions. We all have pain and suffering. We all deal with these stories and narratives.

When we practice tracking the ego and stories this is what it means to bridge the gap between the subconscious and the conscious mind.

This is how we learn the art of vulnerability. Vulnerability is when we risk stepping into the fire of the unknown, challenge our perceptions, and expose our raw emotions for healing. As Brene Brown tells us in the Call to Courage, vulnerability is courage. They walk hand-in-hand.

Benefits of doing this inner healing work are:
• Practicing ahimsa, or non-violence – not projecting your stuff onto others
• Reducing the time you are affected by the flow of your emotions
• Being responsible for your life, so that you can manifest and create
• Learning to speak and express your needs from a place of power and love vs pain
• Minimizing your downtime away from your passions, purpose and power
• Feeling abundant and in love with yourself and others

I’ll invite you to see what behaviors and belief systems you want to change and reverse engineer your life for healing. This is the transformational process of healing that will help you unleash your power and bring you into presence.

Just as you can heal your past, you can change your future. It’s all a matter of getting present to what is happening now and learning to resource support. It’s an opportunity to trust yourself and create safety through connecting your Highest Self with your Inner Child and bringing yourself back to Innocence, Wholeness and Sacred Union with the Divine.

This is the journey from the head into the heart. This is what creates great strength and compassion. This is the process of awakening to Divine Love.

Many blessings dear one on your healing path!