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I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

by Nicole's Blog

I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

When I ask women about their relationships, I often hear the phrase “I don’t feel heard.”  This could be in her relationship, with her boss, or even with her child.  

As a women’s coach and healer, I teach that every relationship is a mirror to your own inner work. All the feelings you have about it are generated from within you. 

If a woman is not feeling heard in her partnership, I have her go within. If you don’t feel heard in your relationship, I ask, “Are you hearing yourself?” 

Women will experience this narrative, “I’m not heard” typically in their current partnerships because of their unresolved traumas, emotions and experiences from their childhood.  My specialty is helping women become deeply aware of their subconscious programming so they can transform their stories, reclaim their power and show up from a more conscious place now. 

Here are some examples of why you may feel unheard: 

You had parents who were too busy arguing with each other. 

You may have been a sibling sandwiched between other siblings in a large family. 

You may have had a father who was always at work and unavailable. 

You may have had a mother who was a nervous wreck and wrapped up in herself. 

In all of these situations, your inner child was probably not receiving much attention.  As children we all have basic emotional needs for safety, love, attention, and affection. 

If our parents were unable to provide one of these basic needs, we might create a core narrative, also called a core wound. In this, we develop related emotions, beliefs about ourselves and others, and coping mechanisms that help us to manage our pain. 

If you are not feeling heard, chances are you are not expressing your needs and feelings either. You might be ignoring an inner voice that says, “this doesn’t feel good, but I don’t know how to bring it up. “Or, “I’ll just let this slip because it’s not that important”. 

When you read this, you may recognize what are termed martyr behaviors – not speaking up, taking on others’ pain, and not expressing yourself. These behaviors are shadows because they come from a sense of unworthiness or a feeling of not deserving to be heard, seen or loved. 

If left unresolved, you will perpetuate your pain, and this leads to self-sabotage because you will end up getting what you didn’t want – you will not be heard in your relationship! 

This is a great learning opportunity for the following reasons: 

This teaches you how to re-parent yourself. To turn inward and give the inner child what she so lovingly needs – for you to listen. Re-parenting helps you heal the unresolved pains, feelings and emotions that were trapped around this narrative. 

You open to a new perspective creating freedom from the patterns through self-forgiveness. In this way, you recognize that your parents were doing the best they could. 

You release the martyr shadow behavior and become more self-expressed, authentic and transparent with your needs, and desires because you are not moving from pain, but from power. 

You invite great tools into your life like conscious communication. 

Here is a quick process to learn how to self-resource.  

  1. When you feel unheard, take a pause and a few deep breaths. If you have the space for a brief meditation that’s the best – after all, you want to hear yourself.  Place a hand on your belly and heart. This brings a sense of calm to your body. 
  2. Ask yourself, “what causes me to feel unheard?” Note any images or events from the past that remind you of this. Be curious. 
  3. Now, ask your heart to express what she truly desires – more love, more attention, more acceptance? Now you are listening, and your current needs will be born out of these desires. This form of listening helps you build trust and is self-resourcing. 
  4. In this moment, you may realize that you don’t need anything at all AND there still maybe room for growth in your communication and your partnership.   
  5. Maybe you need more reciprocation from your partner, more reflective listening, clearer reciprocity, softer moments, or them to ask more questions about you. Whatever it is, connect with your partner in the heart and ask for a specific request that can meet your need.
  6. Questions that are connective might be: Would you be willing to…? Can you help me understand…? Can you reflect back what you heard so I feel you hear me? 

And remember this. Your partner might be able to meet your need, and doesn’t “need to” either. If your partner cannot meet your needs, what could you do to get that need met? (That’s another blog!) 

The point is – now you feel heard.

Feel free to leave comments or questions below.  Want to understand how to go deeper, grab a free 15 min chat!   https://calendly.com/unleashthepriestess/15min

 

 

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Jan 2022 – Advanced Reiki III Training (Ashland Oregon)

by Nicole's Blog

Learn the power of long distance Reiki healing, crystal grids, auric cleansing, and deepen your reiki meditation. Create more powerful healing experiences through the attunement to the Master symbol. Will include attunement + practice session.

Saturday, January 22
10am-4:00pm
$275

Must have Reiki I + II plus 1-3 mos of practice & knowledge of symbols required.

What we will cover:

*The Usui Master symbol, and how to use it  to give Reiki treatments.
*Instructions for doing a Reiki meditation that strengthens the mind, expands consciousness and increases the strength of  one’s Reiki energy. This meditation can also be used to solve problems and achieve goals.
*How to use crystals and stones to send distant Reiki continuously and automatically.
*How to create a Reiki grid that can continuously send healing to many people, events and goals.
*Reiki Aura Clearing which has also been called Reiki Psychic Surgery is described that allows you to  quickly remove negative psychic energy from yourself and others and send it up to be healed.
*A Reiki Moving Meditation is explained that helps one become more grounded, centered and energized.

EMAIL NicoleDohertyYoga@gmail.com for any questions.
$100 non-refundable DEPOSIT HOLDS YOUR SPACE.
Must pay total by class date.

Location:

The Temple of Sophia in Ashland Or, my private residential healing space. Address upon sign up.

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Freedom Breathwork + Sound Healing : 4-Class Online Series

by Nicole's Blog
Your breath is one of the MOST powerful medicines for healing!
I’m hosting another 4-week Freedom Breathwork Healing Ceremony series (only $22 per class) starting next Thurs Sept 17. I’ve done them almost monthly since March online while taking a break in August to play in Nature.
ZOOM ONLINE.
It’s a powerful opportunity to boost your immune system, transmute emotions, energy and connect with Divine Guidance – we are in Mars Retrograde -moving inward. Perfect timing!!! xoxo
 
Go to ashlandyogacenter.com/calendar to sign up. Toggle to the “Workshops” tab. All calls will be recorded.

nicole scarf

How to Serve from Authentic Love vs. Lack – The Shadow Behavior of the Rescuer

by Nicole's Blog

Mamas do you ever feel a bit overwhelmed, overextended, or frankly just burnt out? Like, OMG, there are so many moving parts and balls in the air with family, kids, and career?😫

I really resonate with that as a mom and entrepreneur. 😉

For a while I was really struggling juggling both.

When I started a new level of deep shadow work something shifted for me.

I learned that I was a classic Rescuer, also known as the people-pleaser, sometimes called the over-achiever.

I didn’t see this shadow aspect in myself back then, but when it was pointed out by a mentor, I saw how it was playing out in my life as a mother and co-parent.

I would give to the detriment of my own health and well-being. I would bend over backwards for other needs instead of my own. I would please others because I didn’t fully value myself and I didn’t want to disappoint by saying no.

There was a real cost in these unconscious behaviors like exhaustion, enabling others to not show up for me, and sickness.

I was so used to saying yes to everything and doing all of it, so I didn’t often ask for support and if someone did it felt burdensome so I would deny it anyway.

Thank God I learned about this ego behavior and how to transform it to create healthy boundaries and to love myself more.

The last few years I dove really deep so I could teach this to the women in my Unleash the Priestess programs because I see how prevalent this way of being is in our society. Women typically place themselves last.

In working with the Rescuer role, I teach women how to get really good at catching their subconscious habits and watching themselves with objective awareness.

When they practice this with compassion, they experience real changes that benefit themselves and their families.

I teach women how to create a daily sadhana that’s non-negotiable so they can receive the love that is their birthright.

I teach women how to create structure, discipline, accountability, self-responsibility and time management so they can create efficiencies and stretch time.

I teach women how to live a full life that’s more balanced and centered in self-love.

If you would like to learn more about this shadow work, join the conversation with other women doing this deep shadow work to illuminate it and reclaim your feminine power.❤️

Join our Facebook Community, The Priestess Within Sisterhood #unleashthepriestess and check out the 4-part series we just completed on Shadow work with my mentor of these teachings, Deanna Larkins.  She’s the owner of Emerge Hot Yoga Studio in Ashland and of Emerge Spiritual Studies.

meditation

How Meditation Impacts Daily Life

by Nicole's Blog

How Meditation Impacts Daily Life

Stressors fill the world around us. When looking for a way to combat this, meditation is an often-overlooked solution even though its benefits have been studied in the Western World since at least the 1970s. Meditation is extremely beneficial for a person’s daily health. The surprising thing, however, is just how beneficial regular meditation really is. Meditation can be practiced a variety of ways, but however you choose to do it, meditation reduces stress, improves mental clarity, improves mood, aids in sleep, and increases a person’s ability to problem solve. When practiced regularly, it also helps to build focus, eliminate negative thoughts, and change perspectives.

Stress Reduction

Probably the best-known reason for trying meditation is a reduction of stress. While many people know that stress is not good for them, few know the real damage it can cause. High levels of stress can inhibit beneficial sleep patterns. It can lead to anxiety and depression. It can lead to increased blood pressure, as well as mental and physical fatigue. Regular meditation decreases the effects of stress. It also has the effect of lessening the symptoms of stress-related conditions. Improvements to symptoms like irritable bowel syndrome and post-traumatic stress disorder can occur through regular meditation.

Help Decrease Anxiety

When reducing stress in life, there is a concurrent reduction in anxiety. This reduction can have numerous psychological benefits. For those that suffer from anxiety-related ailments like phobias and panic attacks, mediation offers substantial benefits. When combined with a physical movement such as yoga, the reduction in anxiety is considerable.

Can Lead to Better Self -Awareness

One of the central principals of all meditation is to listen to one’s self. The theory is that when this is done, people grow into the best version of themselves. A predisposition to harmful or negative thoughts improves with mediation. Meditation can help redirect these thoughts to a more beneficial state. Gaining awareness of chronic negative thoughts leads to better control of these thoughts. Accomplishing this on a regular basis leads to daily positive effects. This change in perception and attitude can positively impact relationships with others as well.

Become More Focused

Weightlifting builds muscle and continual mediation strengthens the mind. Performing meditation regularly increases the strength and focus of the mind. This change can lead to a mind that can focus more entirely on tasks at hand. It can improve mental functions like memory and attention span. Some theories suggest that meditation can even reverse mental patterns like worrying and wandering thoughts.

Combat Memory Loss

As people age, several systems in the body begin to deteriorate slowly. The many functions of the mind is no exception to this decline. A great deal of age-related decline comes from a lack of preventative care. Practicing meditation regularly can combat this decline by focusing the mind. This continual focusing through meditation can stem the tide of memory loss due to age.

The benefits of meditation go far beyond the mental. The mind and body are thoroughly connected. Improving mental function will lead to other physical improvements.

Insomnia

A common problem for many people is insomnia. Insomnia is often a side-effect of a mind filled with runaway thoughts. A calmer mind leads to less of this type of thinking. The added benefit of meditation is that it leads to a more relaxed body. Combining both factors can lead to deeper and better sleep.

Meditation can also help to control pain.

Pain is often a function of the mind’s perception of the physical body. A more controlled mind can control the thought of physical pain. Many palliative care practitioners are beginning to see the benefits of incorporating meditation into their treatment plans. This can be especially beneficial for those with chronic pain. Those that meditate learn to control all the thoughts of their mind. Mediation can mitigate and lessen regular pain over time.

The regular practice of mediation has benefits that can affect every part of the mind and body.The correlation between a more focused mind and physical, mental, and emotional benefits are hard to deny. Meditation leads to a calmer daily life and a more finely tuned mind and body. The best part of all of this is that even for beginners, regular meditation leads to almost immediate results.

 

Written by Charles Davenport for Senior Planning. Senior Planning is an eldercare planning agency, dedicated to helping seniors apply for benefits and find the care they need.