valentin-lacoste-g18bPYgTaGg-unsplash

Why am I still in this relationship? I know it’s not good for me, but I’m still in it. 

Why am I still in this relationship? I know it’s not good for me, but I’m still in it. 

I heard this recently from a client who said her relationship was highly distracting and she couldn’t focus. She is dating a guy who’s getting a divorce and he’s got a young child. 

To some it might feel obvious why this is complicated, emotional, and distracting, yet for her inner child’s subconscious it’s a familiar pattern that she’s not yet resolved. 

When we are in a pattern like this, we’re in our shadow. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years to actually notice it. That’s why people hire coaches and therapists – to have a neutral party who can track the pattern and find the root cause of the narrative one’s playing out. 

With my clients, I always bring the shadow behaviors to the root of the mother and father relationship. I have a process whereby we uncover the core wounds, unresolved emotions, beliefs and coping strategies that are present. 

In her household, her dad was present physically, but emotionally unavailable. 

Her mom was distracted and mentally unstable. 

Her inner child felt sadness and disconnection. She felt like she wasn’t enough, not smart enough, or pretty enough. 

Her inner child had a deep desire for a masculine figure to protect her from her mom’s instability, provide structure, and take care of her. 

The inner child didn’t receive any emotional support. 

In believing she wasn’t enough, the world became one ruled by standing out, proving herself, and trying to gain attention. She has a yearning to be ‘the chosen one’. 

In her current relationship, she’s developed what I call ‘the sister wound’. She’s competing with the ex-wife for this man’s attention. She’s jealous and wants to prove that she is the chosen one.  

This man is physically present for her, but often is wrapped up with his family. He’s emotionally erratic just like her mom, or emotionally unavailable just like her dad. This back and forth is a common theme for her in relationships. 

Before our call she wanted to go deeper, but he wasn’t putting in the effort and she wondered why he couldn’t step into the relationship. 

However, during our call she recognized that she was playing out an unresolved pattern from her childhood. 

The first step in healing it is the self-awareness she came to in our call.

The second step is taking ownership of her point of attraction. 

This is her opportunity to go inward and resolve this with her parents and then re-parent herself.  

In my work, we’d use a variety of processes, like role playing with the parents.  Then we’d use healing techniques to move the core narratives, feelings and beliefs through the multidimensional layers (physical, energetic, emotional, mental) of the system using both imagination and the senses.  

What she recognizes now is that no relationship can fill the void that she feels within herself.  

Her focus: Self-Resourcing. Self-Love. Inner Child/Reparenting. Empowerment. 

This releases her co-dependency on others to feel good enough, and is the foundation for a healthier point of attraction for future relationships.  

If you resonate, please feel free to make a comment below, or reach out to see how you might resolve your own patterns by booking a 15 min clarity call with me! 

IMG_9940

The Journey is the Destination. Follow Your Passion. Let Your Heart Lead.

THE JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION. FOLLOW YOUR PASSION. LET YOUR HEART LEAD.

My friends in SF used to say I was the woman who had nine lives because I would change roles and identities over and over again. I had a thirst for adventure and exploration just like my dad.😀

In fact, I had a spiritual awakening after my dad’s death in March of 2001. In that moment, I gave myself permission to live my life by following my bliss. I am grateful for my dad’s incredible spirit of adventure. He traveled to just about every country in the world. I am grateful for his death too which taught me how I didn’t want to die – filled with sadness and regrets.

I wanted to explore all that life had to offer. I started post- Georgetown University, climbing the ladders of corporate America as an advertising executive and soon thereafter a marketing executive.

I then transformed myself into an actor, being on stage, performing, singing and doing indie films all over SF.

I shifted into event planner for weddings, parties and social events. Then quickly jumped into night club promoting and created 1000-person undergrounds + went to Burning Man and just about every festival I could for 8 years!

I burned myself out from overstimulation, lack of sleep, drugs and alcohol, and ended up in Yoga. I went full steam ahead to become a yoga teacher and eventually became a Yoga Teacher Trainer with 10K hours of teaching.

This led me to energy work, reiki mastership, healing and shamanism. I went deep into alternative healing arts and became a plant medicine facilitator for over 8 years embodying that wisdom too.

I became a Mother! Woo hoo (that one I forever in this life shall be!).

Right now (in this moment), I’m living my purpose as a women’s empowerment coach, intuitive healer, breathwork facilitator and still using all the skills from the last 15 years.

As I write this I think F*CK YEAH what an amazing life I’ve lived. I always followed my bliss. And I have always excelled because I was in my passion.

Trust me, living has not always been FUN – I’ve had my dark-night-of-the-soul moments, but those have always been for my growth and more birthing.

I picked up a book about 10 years ago that said, “Wherever you go there you are.” I knew that the only relationship we truly have is the one with ourselves.

We are all here on this heroic human journey of self-realization to recognize our sovereign divinity as SOURCE CREATOR. We get to CHOOSE every single day how we’d like to LIVE our LIVES. Thank you Sophia for the gift of free-will.

If you live your life with passion, expansion and follow the stream of good feelings, you will always end up growing and evolving.

The JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION and there is no HOW TO MANUAL to get “somewhere”. Life is about LIVIN’ – in LOVE and PASSION. If you do this, you will support your evolution and that supports the whole.

😍😍😍
Are you with me?

250802272_10158577789757406_1721343447106919774_n

I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

I don’t feel heard in my relationship. What can I do? 

When I ask women about their relationships, I often hear the phrase “I don’t feel heard.”  This could be in her relationship, with her boss, or even with her child.  

As a women’s coach and healer, I teach that every relationship is a mirror to your own inner work. All the feelings you have about it are generated from within you. 

If a woman is not feeling heard in her partnership, I have her go within. If you don’t feel heard in your relationship, I ask, “Are you hearing yourself?” 

Women will experience this narrative, “I’m not heard” typically in their current partnerships because of their unresolved traumas, emotions and experiences from their childhood.  My specialty is helping women become deeply aware of their subconscious programming so they can transform their stories, reclaim their power and show up from a more conscious place now. 

Here are some examples of why you may feel unheard: 

You had parents who were too busy arguing with each other. 

You may have been a sibling sandwiched between other siblings in a large family. 

You may have had a father who was always at work and unavailable. 

You may have had a mother who was a nervous wreck and wrapped up in herself. 

In all of these situations, your inner child was probably not receiving much attention.  As children we all have basic emotional needs for safety, love, attention, and affection. 

If our parents were unable to provide one of these basic needs, we might create a core narrative, also called a core wound. In this, we develop related emotions, beliefs about ourselves and others, and coping mechanisms that help us to manage our pain. 

If you are not feeling heard, chances are you are not expressing your needs and feelings either. You might be ignoring an inner voice that says, “this doesn’t feel good, but I don’t know how to bring it up. “Or, “I’ll just let this slip because it’s not that important”. 

When you read this, you may recognize what are termed martyr behaviors – not speaking up, taking on others’ pain, and not expressing yourself. These behaviors are shadows because they come from a sense of unworthiness or a feeling of not deserving to be heard, seen or loved. 

If left unresolved, you will perpetuate your pain, and this leads to self-sabotage because you will end up getting what you didn’t want – you will not be heard in your relationship! 

This is a great learning opportunity for the following reasons: 

This teaches you how to re-parent yourself. To turn inward and give the inner child what she so lovingly needs – for you to listen. Re-parenting helps you heal the unresolved pains, feelings and emotions that were trapped around this narrative. 

You open to a new perspective creating freedom from the patterns through self-forgiveness. In this way, you recognize that your parents were doing the best they could. 

You release the martyr shadow behavior and become more self-expressed, authentic and transparent with your needs, and desires because you are not moving from pain, but from power. 

You invite great tools into your life like conscious communication. 

Here is a quick process to learn how to self-resource.  

  1. When you feel unheard, take a pause and a few deep breaths. If you have the space for a brief meditation that’s the best – after all, you want to hear yourself.  Place a hand on your belly and heart. This brings a sense of calm to your body. 
  2. Ask yourself, “what causes me to feel unheard?” Note any images or events from the past that remind you of this. Be curious. 
  3. Now, ask your heart to express what she truly desires – more love, more attention, more acceptance? Now you are listening, and your current needs will be born out of these desires. This form of listening helps you build trust and is self-resourcing. 
  4. In this moment, you may realize that you don’t need anything at all AND there still maybe room for growth in your communication and your partnership.   
  5. Maybe you need more reciprocation from your partner, more reflective listening, clearer reciprocity, softer moments, or them to ask more questions about you. Whatever it is, connect with your partner in the heart and ask for a specific request that can meet your need.
  6. Questions that are connective might be: Would you be willing to…? Can you help me understand…? Can you reflect back what you heard so I feel you hear me? 

And remember this. Your partner might be able to meet your need, and doesn’t “need to” either. If your partner cannot meet your needs, what could you do to get that need met? (That’s another blog!) 

The point is – now you feel heard.

Feel free to leave comments or questions below.  Want to understand how to go deeper, grab a free 15 min chat!   https://calendly.com/unleashthepriestess/15min

 

 

251292873_10158581163812406_1626695939270517844_n

Jan 2022 – Advanced Reiki III Training (Ashland Oregon)

Learn the power of long distance Reiki healing, crystal grids, auric cleansing, and deepen your reiki meditation. Create more powerful healing experiences through the attunement to the Master symbol. Will include attunement + practice session.

Saturday, January 22
10am-4:00pm
$275

Must have Reiki I + II plus 1-3 mos of practice & knowledge of symbols required.

What we will cover:

*The Usui Master symbol, and how to use it  to give Reiki treatments.
*Instructions for doing a Reiki meditation that strengthens the mind, expands consciousness and increases the strength of  one’s Reiki energy. This meditation can also be used to solve problems and achieve goals.
*How to use crystals and stones to send distant Reiki continuously and automatically.
*How to create a Reiki grid that can continuously send healing to many people, events and goals.
*Reiki Aura Clearing which has also been called Reiki Psychic Surgery is described that allows you to  quickly remove negative psychic energy from yourself and others and send it up to be healed.
*A Reiki Moving Meditation is explained that helps one become more grounded, centered and energized.

EMAIL NicoleDohertyYoga@gmail.com for any questions.
$100 non-refundable DEPOSIT HOLDS YOUR SPACE.
Must pay total by class date.

Location:

The Temple of Sophia in Ashland Or, my private residential healing space. Address upon sign up.

118933327_10157689012817406_426413059479154294_n

Freedom Breathwork + Sound Healing : 4-Class Online Series

Your breath is one of the MOST powerful medicines for healing!
I’m hosting another 4-week Freedom Breathwork Healing Ceremony series (only $22 per class) starting next Thurs Sept 17. I’ve done them almost monthly since March online while taking a break in August to play in Nature.
ZOOM ONLINE.
It’s a powerful opportunity to boost your immune system, transmute emotions, energy and connect with Divine Guidance – we are in Mars Retrograde -moving inward. Perfect timing!!! xoxo
 
Go to ashlandyogacenter.com/calendar to sign up. Toggle to the “Workshops” tab. All calls will be recorded.